Lohan Sex Tape Non-Scandal Reaches Its Most Scorching Levels Yet, Thanks To Modest British Tabloid

Ever the upstanding arbiters of non-breaking, debunked news, The Sun today is all over The Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape That Wasn't, going as far as to say Lohan so vehemently protested ex-boyfriend Calum Best's (non-)indiscretion in not just one but two aggrieved phone calls. Because that will show him not to do what he, er, didn't:

A source, who overheard the rant, said Lindsay was screaming: I can't believe you would ever f***ing do this to me, I should have listened to everyone. I should never have f***ing trusted you."
The Mean Girl continued: "It's everywhere now, all over the net, everyone's seen it, how f***ing could you?"

Alas, as we now know, he would have if he could have. Really though, with our scandal-starved eyes scanning even for the secrets of Gossip Girl/NSYNC alum bromance, we must now leave this mess behind us until the next pixelated, would-be-starlet blow job compels a more robust visitation of the evidence. Or until later this morning, whichever comes first.