Does your company need a jolt? Have you frequently said to yourself, "We could get back on track if only we could find a young, overconfident marketing assistant who backs it all up with a Bachelor of Music in Trumpet Performance and Certificate in Journalism from Indiana University!" Well brother, I think I have just the young man for you. Didn't think you could find someone with all that and a history of performing "psychedelic folk with a twist of Indian classical" music? Meet Josh Millrod, your future entry-level employee extraordinaire!
Josh has taken his employment fate into his own hands by setting up a website—with a tasteful, manic yin-and-yang symbol wallpaper—touting himself as the answer to your company's [something] needs. He can offer you direct marketing experience; copywriting experience; and "Brand marketing experience that got a lot more kids to get fat from drinking Nesquik... which they bought at Target." Sign us up!
Josh uses an arcane advertising technique known as "exaggeration" to help his points stick in the head of you, his potential employer. "BREAKING NEWS: World-Famous Marketing Genius Josh Millrod Is Finally Available For Hire," he writes. The concealed witticism: Millrod is not, in fact, world famous (yet).
"I'm not quite as insane as this site might suggest... I promise," writes Josh. Cool!
Let's run down his resume: He's worked on campaigns for everyone from gangster rappers to Fortune 500 companies. And he's held five different jobs in the past year! That's the type of broad-based experience you want from a marketing genius/ 2006 graduate of Indiana University in Bloomington.
In conclusion, you are a foolish and incompetent businessman if you don't contact Josh Millrod with a job offer at once. And ladies, he "loves to read, hang out in coffee shops and watch zombie movies." So why don't you contact him, as well?
Let us know how it goes, Josh!
[UPDATE: Josh writes in to tell us that he put up this site as "a joke for some friends" and adds that "I'm really not a complete dickhead and it sucks to see people talk about me like I am." I believe him.]