Angelina Jolie Set To Break The Elusive, Eight-Figure Baby-Photo Barrier

As the country plods along to what seems like inevitable recession, not all trends suggest our economy is necessarily swirling clockwise down the shitter. Take the celebrity-baby-photo market, a financial spit-up bubble seemingly incapable of bursting. Leading the way is People magazine, who apparently have a budget surplus in the trillions to lavish on Hollywood's most recognizable faces and the powerblobs they spawn. They rocked the status quo back in 2006 by shelling out $4.1 million for a glimpse of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, and more recently paid $6 million to Jennifer Lopez for a stunning photoset in which her adorable newborns were woven into a plexus of mother's hair extensions, like nested baby sparrows awaiting their next grub feeding.

Now Page Six reports all records will likely be shattered by Angelina Jolie's next litter, with industry watchers suggesting they could command the first-ever eight-figure asking price. It's a dangerous precedent: One, because it could jack up the prices of lesser hatchlings, effectively pricing out In Touch Weekly from the next Tori Spelling exclusive, who will no longer whore out her newborns for a cover and a Chipotle lunch. And two, because it threatens to become the single easiest and most lucrative celebrity payout scheme, far less arduous and involving than, say, starring in a movie. With a $10 million payday exceeding the gross domestic product of most countries she seeks to help, it won't be long before we lose Jolie and her uterus to a puppy-mill type breeding operation, in which an exhausted Brad Pitt's studding services would be employed three months out of the year, while the other nine were spent producing little bundles of Third World-suffering-alleviating joy.