Two crazy stories about crazy ladies who try to get what the want.

• First, from the Mirror: "Which Hollywood actress is stalking a British reality TV star to the point pals have confiscated her mobile to stop her calling the lowlife?" Ohh, is someone stalking Bear Grylls?
• The next is from Crazy Days and Nights: "This B/C list television actress who was one of the stars of a very long running hit show is on a new show now. She has made it very clear to producers that she is willing to do anything to stay on the show longer and is already dropping hints about how she is going to make sure she is the main focus of the show." I hate it when people try to keep their job.

After the jump, one of Ted Casablanca's long, gnarled Friday items.

Snarla Sledgehammer isn't known for being subtle. She's made her name—some say living—by being entirely in-your-face, whether you deserve it or not. And in the so-hip arena of blogging/TV commentary, the multitalented, attractive-enough babe (who's got more hair than style sense, to be brutally Snarla-esque about it) currently shines, struts and reigns supreme...Several years ago, SSH had a child, Spawna Sledgehammer...Snarla became reliable for snapping at her fancyass fellow workers not to interfere with her all-holy maternal duties. Not wise. But then she made the truly unfortunate choice of repeating the same self-obsessed behavior with trusted confidantes, including Pete Priss-Ass, a well-known fagola fellow boob-tuber and writer, whom Spawna had always leaned on for lengthy bitch sessions...Much to the shock of many, Pete—not exactly a choosy customer in the great grocery store of love (he often squeezed melons he really shoulda stayed away from)—got himself engaged. Stunned, but more so ecstatic, PPA rang up his good amiga, whom he adored, and, absolutely beaming over the phone, invited Snarla & fam to the small, out-of-state ceremony...It's not convenient," was SSH's first reaction. No congrats. No words of good-wishing gooeyness, just a thorough chastising for Pete's thoughtlessness in selecting a wedding date not conducive to—you guessed it—Spawna's activity schedule. Ouch! Does Pete have some kinda S&M thing going for his friendships, or did he just not get the memo that hetero day-planning always trumps homo?

[E!]