This image was lost some time after publication.

Help Answer Joe Simpson's Prayers
This image was lost some time after publication.

Can somebody in America please buy one of my daughters' albums? Please? Or at least do a little more than pretend to like them or go a step beyond liking them for various reasons of irony? Do you know how hard it is to make the change between the manager who just got off the phone with the record label to the cool dad who has to the break news that one of them is about to get dropped from their label? It's hard, real hard. Let alone hiding these irrational fears that I'm going to get fired by my own daughters? Can you imagine that being fired by your own flesh and blood? It could happen. The constant threat that keeps me up at night. That and Ryan Seacrest changing his phone number without him giving me the new number.

Sometimes, I think that Jamie Spears (you know, Britney's dad) has it much easier than me. He's doing a tremendous job over there, but it's pretty simple. Just tell her to stop spending all that money, put on some panties and hang out with her kids whenever she can. And then he's got Juno Lynn over in Louisiana, just hanging out, getting ready to pop out that kid and attempting to be a normal teen with a child. Not me, man. If I was Juno Lynn's dad, I'd be telling her to hit the gym a couple hours after birth. She's gotta get that Nickelodeon body back before her show starts back up.

I'm in a dual position with my kids. I have to love and care for them, but I also have to tell them not to do certain things. You know I had to tell Ashlee the other day to tone down looking like the slithered out afterbirth of a Nylon magazine photo shoot with that makeup wearing hobbit of a boyfriend she has. I'm happy for her as a dad, but as a manger, I'm little concerned about her public image. We have to sell records to Middle America and a lot of those kids still shop at Hot Topic. We can't alienate them too much. With Jessica, it's a bit easier. Don't go to any more Cowboys games and keep on giving what every body wants, a bit of ass cleavage and the regular kind, too.

[Photo Credit: Splash News]