Gawker
After much delay, the future has arrived. Everybody's buying lasers! And, everybody's hairless! If you guessed that these two things are related, you are probably an astute female consumer of laser hair removal services. But now that the world of science fiction is here, you don't have to sit around cold, impersonal cut-rate salons to have some young whippet blast the hair off your body with concentrated pulses of scalding light; you can do it in the comfort of your own home, with no training or safety at all! We can already anticipate the hilarious domestic violence battles that will end with a laser being drawn. Two consumer-targeted lasers, the Tria ($995) and the Silk'n ($800), are about to be launched [WSJ ($)]. Just one slight drawback: these lasers are sexist and racist!
Tria and Silk'n have their limitations. They are slower than professional treatments, so they work best in small areas like lower legs, underarms and bikini lines rather than big areas like hairy men's backs. The Food and Drug Administration hasn't cleared them for use on the face, though consumers could end up using the devices there. And African-Americans and other dark-skinned people can't use them because of a risk of burns. Lasers and light-based technologies work by targeting pigment in the hair and can mistake dark or tanned skin for the enemy.
Comments
So, basically this is just for Upper Class Goth Chicks?
What's the point of having a laser if you can't kill people with it? Let me know when they make a Pink Laser Gun JUST FOR GIRLS! and then I'll give you a thousand femidollars.
Let's not bother to fix that "burn the minorities" problem, because we all know they can't afford these things in the first place.
Rosa Parks is not only not giving up her bus seat, she'll burn her damn hair off with whatever gizmo she chooses, thank you. Each of my personal grooming thingamajigs work on all God's children, not just the pasty ones.
@contradicto: Were you at the meetings?
But will they work on redheads and albinos?
@CaptainFantastic: No but I can't wait for Oprah to go all they-didn't-let-me-into-Hermes on them.
My cousins are Israeli and they say they never ever shave...they use at-home electrolysis. I can't figure out if they're ahead of us or way behind us...or whether this has anything to do with at-home lasers.
Oh. I thought lasers were just to break up the asteroids.
Lasers and light-based technologies work by targeting pigment in the hair and can mistake dark or tanned skin for the enemy.
This sounds suspiciously like one of those Malcolm Gladwell contest sentences.
@Botswana Meat Commission FC: Lou Dobbs would LOVE this!
It looks like she's blow drying her armpit hairs.
I refuse to buy a hair-removal device that costs more than I would as a call girl. I know my limitations.
Well, what if I want to blow up my excessive hair? What are your lame-ass lasers going to do for me then? Self-destruction includes follicles, yo.
I can see these being mounted at the border with Mexico.
Since when does the WSJ partake in April Fool's Day hijinks?
Anne Hathaway looks great holding that sex-toy.
That'll do me for the rest of the week. Thanks!
@VirusWithShoes: This just brought us one step closer to the reality of laser cats.
[video.google.com]
I laser-defoliated my balls for this?
It's just a matter of time before some geek with too much time on his hands turns one of these into a laser gun. I can't wait.
Solution: just set the damn things on "stun".
Spectragenics, the company behind these lasers, burned blacks in the Bay Area for a few days last week in order to calibrate the gizmos. Their ad on Craigslist requested folks with dark skin. I signed up. They used different settings to test when your skin would blister and scar. They were shocked when I declined, or that someone would investigate them. Creepy.
How many guys will soon tell stories of catching their wives in the bathroom with this thing re-enacting the "Get AWAY from her, you BITCH!!!" scene from Aliens?
Millions of dollars spent on Star Wars defense and all we get are smooth 'pits?
@ineffable.me: I'll take one, too!
And: doesn't this photo look like she's an Alien, her cl*t is in her armpit, and the 'laser' is really a vibe? I know, I have a sick sense of humor.
@ineffable.me: They do have lasers you can kill people with. It's the laser sight attached to my pistol. Helps with what they like to call "quick target acquistion." And it makes the bad guy real shaky when he sees that cute little dot in the middle of his chest.
@flyoverstate: I think I'm getting hot and bothered!
Sexist and racist! I vote that women everywhere grow out their muffros in solidarity with their more-melanined sisters. I will also not shave my back or my nutsack as a gesture toward my hirsute-heinied brethren during this politically tense period.
Word to tha Gods and Earths!
If they can make it safe and cheaper, I would spring for one of these. I'm so sick of waxing.
I have visions of vengeful wives or girlfriends tackling the "other woman," holding her down, and trying to make her bald with one of these things. I need caffeine.
@kittenfoo: Ha! And bald-hot, too!
@kittenfoo: Oooh, or used in rich girl catfights on shows like The Hills. Yes!
@ms.creant: Maybe if you used a little more of the hair removal you could fetch over 900 bucks a session. I'm just saying.
Let's bring back muff hair back in style.
Despite being a fan of the 70's bush myself, i can understand other women's desires to remove certain types of body hair for appearances sake. However, the idea of permanent hair removal creeps me out...don't you think you would feel a little ridiculous at seventy with a crotch a smooth as a child's?
@smitty: Yes. With a string quartet.
As a sci-fi nerd and a smooth-vag enthusiast, I am all for the personalization of laserbeam technology. In fact, if the laser hair removal industry is currently hiring lobbyists to discuss the virtues of laser hair removal on The Today Show, I'd like to submit my resume.
@smitty: Muff hair is going the way of armpit hair. It's not a cyclical trend. Muff hair is a relic. Either you're for progress or you're not a patriot.
Lasers and light-based technologies work by targeting pigment in the hair and can mistake dark or tanned skin for the enemy.
Lasers are also "racist" against blondes, too, because their hair is too light to be contrasted properly from their (presumably pale) skin.
It's not about skin color, per se; it's about contrast between hair color and skin color. The people who do best with lasers tend to be light-skinned people with dark hair.
You know, they should use nano technology to go down there and chop some hairs. Screw this racist laser!
@brendastarlet: I have a tria, bought one on a business trip to the UK. Hurts like a mofo but it works. Not as quick as regular lasers but cheaper so you know, it's cool.
I hate hate hate hate hate hate shaving, but also hate hair and stubble, so laser hair removal is a dream of mine.
Yup, seems hair of any sort is on the way out. I'm starting a pool on how long till we look like the characters in THX 1138. It's gonna happen...
@Furious George: Yay for the pale yet oddly swarthy!
@BaconCat: Possibly. However the scars on my legs from past razor nicks still would deflate my value, I would assume. But perhaps those scars could be removed with lasers as well? Technology is breathtaking.
@zburgz: Tell us about it? How, really, DOES it work? What were your results?
Oh, and was it cheaper in the UK?
I need one of those. I've been going to the same place for TWO YEARS and I'm still hairy as bin Laden.
Anybody who thinks I'm letting a damn laser anywhere near my ladybits is going to be sorely disappointed. And also just sore, as I will be forced to kick some serious ass if they even try to come near me with one of those damn things.
Say, will this work on really coarse back hair? I need to know for a friend.
Not a big fan of the completely bald look. A little decoration keeps it interesting. That said, I am not pointing a beam of coherent light at uncle willy. I'll take my chances with the electric razor
In all, if I didn't somehow manage to burn off my own vagina, I'd say that home laser hair removal equipment sounds like a smart investment. After all, it already costs nearly $50 for a bikini wax. What's next? $200 designer haircuts? Deep conditioning treatments? I'd rather get on with the rest of my life!
I'm white and hairy. I would LOVE laser treatment, but people with pacermakers can't have it.
@Furious George: And I think that it is probably people w/light (in my case hysterically pale) skin and dark hair that probably need it most. If you are blonde and have blonde hair, then your hair is frequently not noticeable, and if you have dark skin and dark hair, same thing. If I shave, you can still see the dark hair follicles under my skin no matter how smooth my leg is. I'm not saying that they shouldn't work it out and make it safe for all varieties of skin and hair colors, but the dark hair/pale skin combo gets less leeway when it comes to body hair.
@ms.creant: Oh, you were talking about your legs... ... Well no good woman of the night would be caught dead without her stockings, so I assume that wouln't affect the value.
@ALittleBitGothic: It was about the same price and worth it in my opinion. It's about the price of two laser treatments. You zap the hair and in about two-three weeks the hairs start falling out from the root, and then you're smooth for about 3 weeks. You're supposed to space out the treatments every 4-6 weeks and do it about 6 times to see long-term results. I've definitely seen a reduction in hair growth. Don't know if it's permanent though, I haven't committed to it long enough!
@zibby: The lighter you are and the blacker your hair is the better it works! All kinds of racist!
@BaconCat: You are my bizarro world Edward Lewis.
@ms.creant: Your commenter name and my commenter name should get together and make some mischief.
Laser tag is going to be so much more intimate.
@ms.creant: Eddie Lewis american soccer player for Derby County? Edward Lewis produccer? Edward Lewis the geneticist?
One decribes the genetics of body hair, the other two frequent prosititutes, so it's a toss up. :-)
Don't wax, don't do it
If your body re-grew it
Don't wax, don't do it
When you wanna sun
Don't wax, don't do it
When there's stubble all through it
Don't wax, don't do it
Use a laser gun!
But shoot it in the right direction
Unless browless eyes are your intention
Throw away that cream!
Don't shave along that seam!
Just hit it, hit it
Hit it with your laser beam!
"Wait a minute. If this is your vibrator I'm using on my armpits, then ... Stop! Don't push that button!"
@MisterHippity:
Pow, pow, pow.
Laser beeeeeeeeeeeeeam.
uh huh, uh huh. uh huh.
I actually heard Holly Johnson singing your words when i played that in my head. Well done, sir. Kudo. No, it's worth it, Kudos.
What if I just clear an armpit-sized spot on my back at a time?
@MisterHippity: Mr. Yankovic, I presume?
@BaconCat: I was thinking the Richard Gere role from 'Pretty Woman', but your Eddie Lewises work rather well, as well.
@SybilDisobedience: Agreed. I'll bring the cherry bombs and the cap guns. You bring the stink bombs and caps.