The lilting Chekhovian dance of The Hills continued on last night, as wobbly olive branches were extended and even wobblier legs trotted into new employment. In the A story, Stephanie Pratt, the nefarious Spencer's younger and only slightly less homely sister, and our hero Lauren "LC" (nice throwback, Spence!) Conrad began the tentative poking and prodding of becoming gloriously fake friends, much to the pouty anger of Spencer and the wan befuddlement of Heidi.
You see, the two were in the same "computer class," sitting but two seats away from each other (the whole "computer class" terminology that was used over and over again was hysterical and made me think of summer camp and playing "Dig Dug"). This encouraged Stephanie, in a ferocious power play for a storyline, to awkwardly yip over to Lauren and apologize for drunkenly screeching at her last year. And so, after a contrived series of text messages and some strained "zoh mah gahs!" from the supporting characters (who the fuck is Kimberly?), the unlikely pair sat in the golden sun, ate some unidentifiable food and giggled about Spencer (who, according to Stephanie is "so homeless and so lame").
Over on the B reel, Whitney quit Teen Vogue (editor/boss lady Lisa Love was sooo nice and remembered all her lines!) and went to work for the supremely terrifying Kelly Cutrone's fashion PR company. It was fun and humanizing to watch her stumble into a scary, high-profile job completely unprepared (I may, um, know a bit about that) and then stick the landing in the end. She won Kelly's impermanent respect when she gave designers Sass & Bide some advice on butts and leggings. I've often felt that Whitney was our saturnine silent-observer, a Guildenstern or a Johnna in August: Osage County (those references will keep on coming until you all see it), so it was nice to see her get some airtime that didn't involve a dopey personal trainer. All told, the two episodes that aired last night were as quiet and staid as one could hope for. Someday they should do an episode of this show that's no dialogue, just its beautiful photography (extra-special facial expressions!) with Erik Satie's Gymnopédies playing in the background. As that's yet to happen, we've provided some non-Satie-laced footage of Stephanie, Spencer, and Lauren on this here post. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stare at my curtains as they dance softly in the breeze.