Jordan Golson, Valleywag's resident hypercapitalist, is distressed that he's not going to learn the terms of his pageview-based bonus — which, mind you, he'll likely earn on top of his $2,500-a-month base pay — until three days into the second quarter. The ginger whinger made me proud with a headline so sensational that it offended even my boss. But he disappointed me by wasting readers' time, taking a self-indulgent 542 words to get his point across. After the jump, a readable version of Golson's overwrought, underreported screed:
The rate that my employer, Gawker Media, pays its contract writers was adjusted tonight at midnight. A "modest reduction." We'll find out the new pay plan by the end of the week. Writers are expected to continue working. No matter how much traffic their posts generate, writers will receive at least their base. On top of that, productive writers can receive a "Pageview Bonus," which varies depending on which site they write for. If I were a salesperson, I'd expect to know my quarterly sales goals well in advance.
Golson maintained this wasn't an April Fools' post, but I'm sure that last line gave any reader who worked in sales a good laugh.