Tom Cruise has personally —personally— helped hundreds of people get off drugs. And now he will indirectly —indirectly— get you stoned out of your mind! Yes, there's a new strain of medical marijuana hitting the cannabis clubs called Tom Cruise Purple. The vial it comes in has a picture of Cruise laughing hysterically, and the weed is reportedly so powerful that it makes you hallucinate to the point of seeing Overlord Xenu.
And sure, that may sound fun, but think about it. Do you really want to act like Tom Cruise when you're high? Sitting on the couch playing Xbox 360 is way better than jumping on it. Listening to Pink Floyd in your headphones is way better than dancing around to Bob Seger in your tighty-whiteys. Eating nachos is way better than... eh, you get the idea.
Anywho, if you wanna rip a sweet bong load of Tom Cruise Purple for yourself, you'd better break out that club card and act fast. Cruise's notoriously litigious lawyers are already trying to get it removed from store shelves.
[Ed. Note - If anyone happens to have some of the Purple lying around, we would LOVE it if you would forward us a photo of the container. Righteous!]