Incompetent and angry superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian and his agency, 5WPR, are all about creating powerful connections among the real movers and shakers in New York. So if you're a client or "FRIEND OF THE FIRM"—and if you are, you have some serious self-examination to do—you're invited to a special 5WPR Speaker Series event featuring Dr. Keith Ablow, succinctly described on his website as a "Forensic psychiatrist and author of thrillers." His topic for the evening? "Friction in the workplace and the necessity for conflict/resolution and chemistry building." What better subject for a night with Ronn, a man popular with employees, potential clients, the media, and feminists alike? Anyone lucky enough to attend this ironic event, please send us a report. The full—and predictably ineloquent—invitation is below.