Be the Lucky Millionth Petitioner Who Ends Uwe Boll's Career

Behind the facade of those vacant eyes and the kind of resume that would have had most filmmakers changing careers years ago, we knew there was a reasonable man hiding somewhere inside Uwe Boll. In a recent interview with the horror Web site FEARnet, the critic-boxing director of such celluloid atrocities as BloodRayne, In the Name of the King and Postal made a modest proposal for an early retirement we can all get behind:

FN: Are you aware that there is a petition online, signed by 18,000 people, requesting that you stop making movies?

UB: Yeah, I know that. 18,000 is not enough to convince me.

FN: How many would it take?

UB: One million. Now we have a new goal.

Naturally, the troops have mobilized around the Web: At the aforementioned petition, nearly 1,300 signatures have accrued in the 10 minutes it took to write this item, bringing the total to nearly 58,000 at press time. Considering that the average Boll film draws around 15,000 theatrical viewers, we don't imagine there are 1 million people in the world who would bother to be this offended by House of the Dead. However, you also can't turn off the lush bloom of fan democracy once it's on, so here's your pen. Do your duty.