Not to be a total pawn for the evil Fox marketing machine, but I really love that show "Hell's Kitchen." I don't care if Gordon Ramsay says "cunt," or kicks couples out of a restaurant during their romantic Valentine's day dinners. Last night, as I sat through the commercials to find out which team had selected a portion of halibut that weighed closest to six ounces, I realized that this must be a good show, because it had me waiting anxiously to watch a dramatic scene of fish fillets being placed on a scale.

Spoiler alert: the men took the prize with a stellar 5.9 ounce fillet. The shouty chef has managed to make this appointment television, and I salute him for it. I also salute him for telling short and mournful contestant Craig last week, "You come down to my kitchen with a ridiculous hat on like that again, I'll stick it on your head fucking sideways."

Send an email to Hamilton Nolan, the author of this post, at Hamilton@gawker.com.