It's really a shame that the storylines we see on The Hills aren't as "real" as MTV claims they are, since the blonde cast's off-screen lives seem far more colorful than what we see on the show. This season we've trudged through (yawn) yet another ongoing catfight between Heidi and Lauren, and barely kept our eyes open while slowest speaker in the world Whitney learns how to cope with a new job. But rumors surfacing today involving real-life catfights between Lauren and roomie Audrina, plus not-so-blind items suggesting the entire cast is fed drugs by producers, make us wish this "unscripted" drama would throw out the scripts already.

As the NY Post reports today, Audrina has taken to locking her bedroom door whenever she leaves the apartment she shares with Lauren because the show's leading lady isn't to be trusted. Worse yet, sources say Lauren's cats are far from house-trained, and Audrina "gets really annoyed at Lauren's cats because they pee on her rug and on her bed." Which really helps explain Audrina's oddly effervescent tan, no? But the real whopper comes in the form of a NY Daily News blind item today: "Which show keeps its dim-witted if ultra-popular 'reality' stars peppy with Adderall supplied by a producer in handfuls between scenes?" Though we suspect good girl Whitney has been steering clear of anything "peppy," daily doses of Adderall go a long way to explain Spencer's uber-scary ability to go entire scenes without blinking.