Leave Moby ALOOOOOOOOONE!!!11!!111

Oh no. I hate on Moby all the time. But I love what he just said.

Can we discuss teabagging, Noelle?

Besides the "fat" thing, of course, Noelle. The "bigger" she gets might have been better. Why didn't you change what he said? Just change what he said!!!

Sounds like a pretty good idea. A crazy drug addict and "barely functioning alcoholic" bisexual. What could possibly go wrong?

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Don't be crude.

Noelle, did you think Smails' comment was funny? If so, I should tell you that I thought of it first.

I kind of see where he's coming from. I much prefer post-Diff'rent Strokes Gary Coleman to Diff'rent Strokes era Gary Coleman.

Now I officially want to maim him. Us atheist, meat eating guys prefer the Britney in the catholic school outfit that did 1000 crunches a day, sorry.

Together, they would make the most overproduced, annoyingly catchy music in all of history.

my manager when I worked at a movie theater in high school looked exactly like moby. he got seizures when he saw blue things in his peripheral vision. the end.

oh also I think they should probably get married. and britney's not fat.

@Nic Fit: Which one is which?

@Cheap Shot: I heard an interview with Moby on the radio the other day and I realized suddenly that, although he sounded like a perfectly decent soul, I had an overwhelming desire to strangle him. This item simply confirms my sudden Mobycidal compulsion.

@Conbon: She thought of it as "arousing," when I wrote it.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: @Conbon: Guys. I can't believe I continue to find such stalker-y comments wildly amusing. But I do!

@CodePink:
Really? C'mon all he says is sound bites-the dude is so apt to the ways of the media press he knows exactly what to feed them to get in papers but still stay so contrary to his 'hipster' friends...donchathink?

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Please. A girl like Noelle would not find teabagging "arousing".

@rantmagazine:boo hoo: Um, maybe? I don't really know what I'm talking about ever. He has just annoyed me in the past, him or his persona or his talking tofu dog or whatever, and I liked that he said he'd marry Britney because I think that's nice.

@Conbon: @TheHonJudgeSmails: As Taint's emissary, I'm going to posit that he would have spun a charming yarn, with many a witty bon mot.

Or else he woulda called y'all stoopid. One of those.

@PimpMyCouch: Every woman finds teabagging arousing in the proper context: me.

Is it because Moby has some remote literary heritage that makes him feel so inclined to discover the same in others? So Britney porked out and started attacking shit with an umbrella, and now she's like a character created by a canonical literary figure? Huh. He needs to be less transparent about how important he believes himself to be. Even Britney's fat shouldn't marry him.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: So you put the romance back in teabagging?

Why is it that Moby and Michael Stipe annoy me in a similar way? Every time I hear Stipe say the words "this administration" I want to throw something at the TV. Yeah, dude, we all hate Bush and Cheney. Go make a listenable album. Rant over.

She should shave off all her hair again, and then they should wed.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Are you guys really talking about the act of enjoying warmed water flavored with plantlife, as my roommate said? I think that's cool, why wouldn't Noelle want that? Pass the cucumber samich, p'or vous plaise.

@CodePink: I wasn't aware it had ever left.

@DorothyMantooth: Why don't you ditch Taint and come be an emissary for the winning team? PMC and I would welcome you into our cabal with open arms.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: It's this kind of cocky attitude (pun intended) that makes me believe Conbon will be the winner of Noelle's affections.

@Conbon: A tempting offer indeed.
But I believe your interests are already being sufficiently championed by the able DannyBoy.
(Besides, we Right Coast folk still wanna stick it to you Left Coast Losers!)

@PimpMyCouch: She's been emailing me to the contrary.

Moby, if you're looking for a star to attach yourself to, perhaps you're looking in slightly - just slightly! - the wrong direction.

Honestly, if I cared about what other celebrities thought about Britney... no. I can't imagine ever caring.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: You can't just make stuff up.

@DorothyMantooth: Right coast of Europe?

@CodePink: Nah, the idea of Moby marrying Britney is just unspeakably cruel to--dare I say it--Britney.

@DorothyMantooth: Conbon is Cali-based, I believe. But c'mon over! With our Wonder Twin power we can ensure victory!

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Last act of a desperate man. Prove it!

@Conbon: I'm afraid I don't know what would constitute the right coast of Europe.
(Or are you alluding to the whole Eastern European thing? I wasn't born too far from the Black Sea!)

Actually - I kind of agree with him. I'm a straight girl but recently developed a girl-crush on her - though once I sgot one I melded hot Britney w/ fat Brittney in my mind. She's really into girls and desperate for female friendship and I get the impression that if you did her she would just be so passionate and she would give it to you with such abandon. I know y'all will probably be like, ick, but at least I'm naming a real girl-crush - I'm not giving a generic b.s. straight-girl Angelina Jolie answer

@PimpMyCouch: I know people. I can arrange for a media blackout for the next 2 rounds of the NHL playoffs. I know, generally, where you live.

Don't force my hand.

@PimpMyCouch: Yes! And Vancouver is on the West side of Canada.
And Taint & I are both in NY!
Why doesn't this make sense to anyone but meeeee??!!

(Oh! It's because folks who live on the West Coast are slow. I got it!)

I'd like to see him try. Even on her present Cheetos/children's cough syrup & rum/Zanax regime, she can do better.

Keep on, keeping on, boys. I don't have a dog in this particular hunt, but your distracting tactics are much appreciated by the country of Mexico, where Nick and I will drink margaritas by the sea. Con queso!

@Nic Fit: which is which?

@DorothyMantooth: You are amazingly sanguine about the use of the phrase "Taint's emissary". @TheHonJudgeSmails: You black out one Vancouverite, you black us all out. (But as long as the Wild get knocked out in the first round, I don't care.) @PimpMyCouch: Come to the Shebeen on the 15th! You can drink whiskey with me and Raincoaster and listen to me yap about gonzo journalism. Did I mention they have whiskey? Email me and I'll send you the deets.

Sure, she's become a portly, bald, crotch-flashing, rehabbed, crazy train deadbeat mother of two, but, Moby, she's still got her pride.

Moby - the one guy you desperately don't need on your side ever.