The editors at Guanabee.com made the mistake of engaging gay porn star-turned-conservative commentator Matt Sanchez in a dialog about his recent war against gay Gawkerdom and other causes. It only takes one answer from Sanchez to prompt the response "We're not really sure what the hell that meant." He then goes on to lie, babble non-sequiturs, and spout right-wing platitudes that he seems to have selected only for their outrageousness. But we're done being outraged by Matt Sanchez; we feel kind of sorry for him now. He could probably use a good therapist. After the jump, the interview's convoluted highlights.
Matt Sanchez: I did not write the words "gay" and "hard" in the same sentence, that would be cruel for the overwhelming majority of Gawker readers who still have their mouths open.
Guanabee: Okay, hardy har, we guess. We're not really sure what the hell that meant, actually. But, really, why did you write to Gawker in the first place?
Matt Sanchez: They e-mailed me first.
Guanabee: Really? Out of the blue?
Matt Sanchez: I wrote a piece and cited Gawker for calling anyone who was offended by the ad a xenophobe. They queried me and asked me to comment.
We wrote to him after he had sent us an unsolicited email inquiring whether all Gawker contributors were gay.
Matt Sanchez: My only concern is that so many "gay" people don't seem terribly happy. They're always shaking their fist at everyone, as if they are waiting for Crisco or have broken a fingernail.
Guanabee: Wow. That's some aggression you have. Some people are saying that your hostile comments belie another story. That you are, in fact, self-loathing when you say disparaging things about homosexuals. What do you say to that?
Matt Sanchez: The last time I was called self-loathing was when a separatist Puerto Rican got mad at me, because I prefer Mexican Taquerias over Boricua buffets. There really are times when you can't be diplomatic and just have to tell the truth. Do you know what cuchifrito is actually made of!!!!????
Matt Sanchez: a man who frequently answers a question that appears only in his own mind.
Matt Sanchez: Most people in the military don't care how you clean your weapon, just keep that to yourself and do your job like everyone else.
Guanabee: Yes, but you cleaned your weapon for all the world to see. From 1992 to 2000. Anyway, despite our shameless liberal bias, we do support the men and women who risk their lives for our spoiled-ass country. We just don't want them to have to do it anymore! (You're not the only dichotomous one.) Did you get a chance to see our Guide to Latino Cultural Survival in Iraq? Anything you could add to help the morale of Latinos still serving over there?
Matt Sanchez: Liberals have shame? [Ed. Note: No, we said 'shameless.' Is this thing on?] I do have culinary caution for anyone who has eaten Mexican food. Back AWAY from the "Quesadillas" in the chowhall. You have been warned.