Can't you use Cruel-Ex to get rid of Jack Ketch?

Jack Mehoffer.

Richard I know its you. Sweet little LOLCAIT couldn't do this, so you've invented a third persona.

This is bad news for that idiot FiveInchTaint.

Is Ketch single? I'm into the whole "hooded specter of death" thing.

At some unknown time, for some unknown reason, some unknown person took away my star.

Does the secret policeman have no balls?

Dear Jack,
I have a $25 gift card to Outback, want to maybe grab a steak later in a totally not bribing you not to execute me kind of way?

Based on the Wikiterrifyme link I followed unawares, I'm reassured that at least it will take several swipes of his axe to get rid of anybody.

Jack, you had me at "gormless prats."

Jack Ketch was also known as Mr.Graball? Ouch!

Old commenters don't die. They just fade away.

The last time I had something to say about Mr. Denton a crown appeared on my head and someone took a bite out of my toast.

Oh Thank God...I've been wishing and hoping for something like this.

@PickleTitsTurner: You ain't kidding, man. Not even a little.

It doesn't really seem like something there should be a standardized weekly quota for...

(But that, I think you're going to do a wonderful job, Mr. Ketch, and you have nice eyes.)

@TheHonJudgeSmails: I also hear he might be executing anyone who sexually harasses the guest editors.

@Pope John Peeps II: You are freaking me out, man.

Is anybody else seeing what I'm seeing??

@TedSez:
Gawker commenting has entered its "The Lives of Others" phase.

@Pope John Peeps II: YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

@Pope John Peeps II: Peeps!

I've been in Stone Mountain for a while; can someone fill me in on the stars?

@StrawBerryShortCake: I'll tell you what...how's about you leave that gift card with me, and I'll be sure Jack gets it.

@Pope John Peeps II: Hello stranger!

Informers may alert the state at GawkerExecutioner@gmail.com. Direct all inquiries there, and not to their highnesses, the editors.

Not quite everyone was granted reprieve.

@Richard: Don't forget his star...

@moff: Then Conbon should be very careful.

Thank. God.

Oh, can't we execute one person today at least? I got all excited when I saw the post! Sigh.

He's like an executioner with a heart of gold.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Now I'm worried. Just for the record, I wish Noelle nothing but happiness with that d-bag boyfriend of hers.

Please do post the link to your "medieval phrase generator" good man!
There's a randy young lass of fine buxom proportions I'd like to cajole to the pole (ahem) in no short order. Admonishments in the nature of your mercury tongue will entice her right smartly. A determined brisk paddle to those lush ripened buttocks would do just as well, I believe; however, office protocol and tender public sensibilities elsewhere prevent such a direct measure. Gratitude in advance.

@Pope John Peeps II: He-She-It Is Risen!!

Lord bless the souls of Alphonse to Zombie!!

@Jack Ketch: The mob demands a rolling head!

@Jack Ketch: Oh. I feel kind of responsible for that, even if I did take it back a second later.

@Pope John Peeps II: HOORAY!!!

@Richard: Hello yourself. Your star seems to be on the rise. A spanky new hood of death, an olden tongue which is not esperanto, and your favourite play won a pulitzer. And I assume you are safely enrolled in playwriting school by now.

Hello all. I am reconstituted, reified, reiterated, rectified, rectal... no wait, not that.

@Pope John Peeps II: Hi Peeps. I have the urge to sing Rufus now ;)

@TheHonJudgeSmails & Conbon: Oh, I was talking about mathnet and Josh Stein. She's been really creeping me out with that.

Yay, I get to play here for another week.

@Richard: Thanks, R.!

So now, all of a sudden, there's a comment submission box on the "My Activity" page. What's that for?

@Conbon:
This is very upsetting news. I already booked the tickets to Mexico.

@Pope John Peeps II: Hot damn, good to see you.

@KarenUhOh:

Goodness goodness goodness Ms. UhOh. I cannot believe you remembered my pinata spread of commenter names. We truly are the old guard.

Can you believe my stint as a commenter has outlasted two girlfriends? Seriously, Gawker Media is the most faithful relationship I've ever had. And it's only brought me two orgasms, so it must be love.

@karion: Shhhhh. HE's watching!

@Pope John Peeps II: holy shit!
You made my Friday. Get Venus Cloacina back in here, and it'll be quite the reunion.
maybe even Krucoff'll show.

@Pope John Peeps II: How you doin'?

@moff: Don't feel bad. He had it coming, even with the intoxication defense. National Socialism is just soooooo passé.

@Pope John Peeps II: Howdy old-timer!

You know that all the commenter newbies are like, "Why are people so excited about this Peeps person?" It's kind of absurd.

@collegecallgirl:
there is something kinda hot about being watched.

@Pope John Peeps II: I'm curious about what made you beg your 'real girlfriend' to take you back. And why did you leave us in the first place?

@Pope John Peeps II: Welcome back, you old so-and-so.

Best way to follow Ketch is on tumbrelr.

So this is how you're going to get rid of the few remaining liberals? Been nice knowing you, Moff.

@CodePink: Yeah, Gawker hasn't been cool since it was a garage blog way back in the salad days. It's all, you know, commercial and, like, popular in the suburb's now.

;)

I think Krucoff pulled up the ladder.