Tom Cruise Wants Katie Holmes To Find New, Non Spice Girl Friends

Tom Cruise isn't having the best month. First, a bunch of hooligans slapped his laughy face on some ultra-strong pot and called it Tom Cruise Purple. Then, the feel-good movie of 2008, Valkyrie, got pushed back (making it the feel-good movie of 2009). And now, Victoria Beckham has usurped a bit of his domestic control and transformed Katie Holmes into a fellow stick figurine. And Tom's April blues have reached a breaking point:

"[Tom] is keen to put some distance between his actress wife and Victoria, who have morphed into each other...it concerns Tom that Katie has lost so much weight recently."

Rumors surfaced a few weeks ago that Katie and Posh are fond of splitting meals together, or ordering one tiny entree and cutting the whole thing in half (even the soda). But apparently all this dieting is turning Katie from fit to scary skinny. And Tom, in true form, isn't happy. Frankly, we wouldn't be either if our significant other was following this freaky food regiment: "She is following Victoria's strict 900-calories-a-day eating plan. She is copying Victoria's fad of eating seaweed shakes, frozen grapes and edamame beans. She is tiny." Frozen grapes and seaweed shakes? We would imagine this diet, aside from shrinking Katie's waist size, would wreak havoc on those rare once-a-month occasions when Tom insists she kiss him on the lips.