Everyone was yelling on The Hills! Heidi shrieked at Spencer the cad, for playing some weird jealousy game at a clurrb. Lauren and Whitney bellowed at the dumb models who were milling about backstage at a fashion show ("pushing like a mother hen" or "like a sheep-herding dog," according to Kelly Cutrone, the crazed stage manager).

Heidi continued her sad, tentative courtship of Audrina, inviting her to a whoo-hoo!-ing girls night out that offered grim portents of a drunken future spent sitting front row at Menopause: The Musical. But who should show up at S Bar (Esquire? Espar? Whothefuckcares?) but old Gargamel himself, Spencer. He surrounded himself with a bevy of ladies (who hilariously made fun of the way he was sipping a shot) to make Heidi jealous or something. And it worked! A yelling match ensued, in a color-soaked scene straight out of a Joel Schumacher movie. Later, at "work," Heidi bitched to dim officemate Kimberly, and uttered the most profound statement about herself, her ex-boyfriend, the show she is on, and many of the things I watch on television: "How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time?" How indeed.

Meanwhile, LC was helping Whitney at her new People's Revolution fashion gig. From what I can tell it mostly involved corralling the aforementioned dumb models so they don't walk into walls and whatnot. Whatever it entailed, Kelly was pleased and offered Lauren a job. Jessica, one of the other model herders, seemed none too happy with this development, as she was sent off to do menial little tasks by the frigidly dismissive Kelly while Lauren got all the praise. Oh, and LC had a hoarse-voiced early morning conversation with Audrina, in which she warned Audy about Heidi's ill intentions. Audrina didn't react much, she simply gazed off, like when babies are on TV shows and are obviously staring at their off-camera parents. A mostly Heidi-free Lauren storyline was marred by this little exchange. Ah well.

So, yes, the volume was high. UNLIKE MY SPIRITS!!!!