How To Un-Gay Chace Crawford

Poor Chace Crawford. The Gossip Girl actor has been dragged through the rumor mill by his beautiful floppy hair of late, mostly because certain bloggers have accused him of having boy sex with JC Chasez. Now, he might actually be gay, or he may just be a pretty straight man. Either way, the rumors have firmly affixed themselves on his public persona, like a pink sparkly remora fish, and weak statements about what he looks for in a girl will not shake them off. So what's a possible breeder to do? Well, follow the lead of a Sex and the City character, of course.

Remember that episode where Smith Jerrod, Samantha's equally well coiffed actor boyfriend, was suspected of being a big ol' 'mo? What did he and Samantha cook up to refute the rumors? A sex tape of course! Nothing would diffuse the speculation like a good old fashioned straight fucking scandal, Chace. The filthier the better. Chairman Denton suggests "something dramatic, like getting a 13-year-old pregnant. Or a sex tape would do, preferably with hookers dressed up as Nazi concentration camp guards." I like it! Good candidates would be, yes, hookers, but maybe also an up and coming starlet. What about Miley Cyrus? Although, that might make him seem more gay. You have to be careful with these things, Chace. Got to nip 'em in the bud. Otherwise you'll end up like sad old Tom Cruise: forever chased (heh) by early-career missteps. Act now Chace! Or else any time you do something totes straight, like move in with a former boy bander, or act on a show called Gossip Girl, you'll be plagued by completely baseless gay chatter. And look how poorly that turned out for Tom.