"I let you know/ That I'm not home/ But I'll be back/ Before too long!" That, of course, is but a small excerpt from "The Rap," just one of the SEVEN zany answering machine messages available for only $14.95 on the classic mail-order tape "Crazy Calls!" The "Boogie Woogie" answer? The "Call Me If You Can-Can" answer? All there! The vintage ad below [via Videogum] still has the 1-800 number to call and order the tape, so if somebody can get these people on the phone, get one of these tapes, and bring it to us, we will smile momentarily and then say "There are no tape players left."