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We awoke this morning to a double-shot of accidental Sex and the City hype, with news of the film's notable omission from the Cannes line-up doing battle with a pesky John Corbett imposter in our inbox. First things first: After Sarah Jessica Parker got fans' hopes up last month, a quick perusal of the festival's '08 selections reveals no S&TC at all — not on opening night, not in competition, not on pirated DVD's sold two-for-$10 outside the Palais des Festival. What happened? We'd ask the gang at New Line if they weren't pink-slipped this week, except we guess that suggests an answer to our question right there.

Meanwhile, a blogger posing as SATC actor John Corbett had one New York Press staffer (not to mention Corbett's manager) confused Thursday, prompting a little bit of digging when pseudo-Corbett threatened producer Darren Star for slashing his role from the feature adaptation:

[M]y part was taken out. That ASSHOLE Darren Star, who is responsible for Beverly Hills 92010 but also a lot of shit like Miss Match with that SKANK Drew Barrymore I mean Alicia Silverstone personally wrote me out of the movie.

Michael Patrick King, who is truly a wonderful guy and who I would have no problem losing my homosexual virginity to metapohorically, fought with Darren and demanded that I be written back in and even threatend to walk.

But since Darren is one of the most important producers his judgment stood and eventually I told MPK not to worry and it wasn't worth losing his job over.

Apparently channeled by Brooklyn freelancer Ben Westhoff, pseudo-Corbett then gave Star four days to restore his part or face Internet spoiler ruination. Corbett's rep, meanwhile, gave Westhoff an undisclosed (but probably shorter) period of time to cease and desist. Anyway, even if the joke's essentially up, we like Westhoff's style enough to anticipate his fabrications more than we await the actual film — especially if he can spin it from the pseudo-Cannes premiere we'll likely never have.