Years ago, for a first date, a certain gentleman caller made me a mixtape with both "Pony" by Ginuwine and "Freak Me" by Silk. The rest of the tape was a mixture of limp hip hop, Herb Alpert and the Tiajuana brass, and Mission of Burma. There was no second date.

"Driving Your Girlfriend Home" Morrissey.

let's get drunk + make out:

[msbadkittie.muxtape.com]

"You Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory," Johnny Thunders, "Memorize Your Lines," Sleater-Kinney, and I can't imagine what the fuck else you'd need because you'd be shoving me out of the way to put your head in the oven.

@hamburgerhotdog: Cheryl? Is that you? Your sister said you died in a church bus crash!

My ego is so huge that I am only capable of being on the receiving end of such a muxtape.

I can't participate because I'm at work, but here's my concept: An entire mixtape of Billy Ocean's "Get Outta My Dreams Get Into My Car," and all available dance remixes thereof. At the end, a personally-recroded "Top Ten" list of reasons I'm better than current boyfriend.

Ooh, ooh!

Mine's going to be called "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover (But, Alas, Williamsburg Is A Bridge Too Far, Jakob)."

BRB.

"Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?"

In the "Awkward Come-On To Your Ex" category there's always "I Don't Want To Get Over You," by The Magnetic Fields.

Not that I know first hand or anything.

11 randomly selected Rammstein songs followed by Alphaville's Forever Young.

Once my computer was on the fritz, so I had my friend put songs on a CD to give to my boyfriend when we had been dating for a few months. She "accidentally" slipped Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera in the middle of it.
That was awkward when we were making out in the back of my car.

@hamburgerhotdog:

If you hornay, Let's do it?
Ride it. My Pony!
Mah saddle's waitin'
Come and jump on it?

(I apologize. One last peep of your steelo and I'm gone.)

Oh. [disappointment] At first I thought your Beck pick was the one about Girl, I wanna get with you. . . and your sister. I think her name is Debra. Because actually I enjoy to listen to that song.

I haven't even thought of an example yet -- I'm just cackling at the sheer potential of this idea.

I almost want to read High Fidelity again before I make an attempt.

@collegecallgirl:
you mean Denton's "Driving Your Girlfriend Home"

[jasmine.muxtape.com]

The sad thing is I didn't even have to change anything to my line-up.

I'm sad.

Please please start making actual playlists so I can do this again next week.

@jasmine: Nice choices.

@Nick Douglas: "If Loving You Is Wrong(I Don't Want To Be Right) Luther Ingram, "Who's Making Love" Johnnie Taylor (hint: you), Creep-TLC, Secret Lovers - Atlantic Starr.

The "Who's The Boss" theme songs says all that I need to say. And then the b-side of the tape will be DJ Assualt's "Ass N Titties," just to sweeten the deal.

(Sorry Nick, I don't have these as mp3s to upload to muxtape)

idontwanttohavetonailyoursisterbutshesthenextbestthing.muxtape.com

Unchained Melody, played unendingly. It will induce suicidal/homicidal thoughts.

@BalknChain: That would definitely fit under this mixtape: [www.chunklet.com]

[lemmebeurgirlfriend.muxtape.com]

Puttin' on the Ritz, by Taco - always appropriate. Always the perfect come-on.

@Nick Douglas: missed one

[thesearemymemoirs.blogspot.com]

Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music" gets me all hot and bothered.

Also: "Lick The Balls" by Slick Rick.

The entire relationship, a la 80's Hair Metal...

Ratt: Round And Round (the pursuit)
Motley Crue: Girls, Girls, Girls (the first date)
Europe: The Final Countdown (the score)
Winger: Headed For A Heartbreak (the end)

@hamburgerhotdog: it's a website error..?

@PomPom: Bisexual bitches, they fuck they friends, i love you hos fo lettin' us all join in, wit all that ass ass titties titties two asses four titties....

That's not gonna make my list, but it's a solid DJ Assault track. Kudos.

@hamburgerhotdog: It was this dude, wasn't it?

@BalknChain: Aw, man [www.chunklet.com]

@DorothyMantooth: Blocked! But if it's a dude with a belly full of rib, BBQ sauce all over his face and no wallet then we have a match.

@overunderover: alsome!
May I counter with:
pursuit: Paradise City (GnR)
first date: Pour Some Sugar On Me (Def Leppard)
score: Cherry Pie (Warrant)
the end: You're All I Need (Motley Crue)

Track 1. "My Nuts" by the Fat Boys
Track 2. "Don't bite the Dick" by David Allen coe
Track 3. "Ave Maria"

@Nick Douglas: Damn you career sucking all the fun out of life! Can we revisit the topic after 5? I've registered, thought up my theme and everything.

Can we do this on imeem. I'm on a no-Lodwick diet.

@hamburgerhotdog: Dammit, I hate it when that happens!
It was your ol' friend Smoove, baby. (In a "Damn right" postcard.)

Sigh. It would have been much funnier if I didn't have to explain that.

Make Out Music VOLUME 1:

"Cheeseburger in Paradise" - Jimmy Buffett
"Du Hast" - Rammstein
"Tripping Billies" - Dave Matthews Band
"Du Hast" - Rammstein
"Fat Bottomed Girls" - Queen
"Du Hast" - Rammstein
"The General" - Dispatch
"Du Hast" - Rammstein
"Fanfare for the Commmon Man" - Emerson Lake and Palmer
"Du Hast" - Rammstein
"The Boy in the Bubble" - Paul Simon
"Du Hast" - Rammstein
"Du Hast" - Rammstein
"Du Hast" - Rammstein

@vulturesquadron: Seconded.

@DorothyMantooth: Trust, there was BBQ sauce on the silk sheets later that night...and all night long.

Wait, that doesn't even make sense. Sorry.

Also remember my favorite polka song that is great for wooing women--The Too Fat Polka. The chorus goes: [lyricsplayground.com]

creepy come-on muxtape:

[indiancasino.muxtape.com]

@hamburgerhotdog: Ha!
And also, there were sweet buttered rolls.

Your boyfriend's an asshole and I'm awesome mixtape.

[golikehellmachine.muxtape.com]

@The Dewd: Wow, that is an amazing playlist.

The lead singer of Rammstein was fucking one of the hottest women in NYC for a few weeks (someone I happen to know), and I'm almost certain Du Hast was on his sexy playlist, too.

thepunkguy.muxtape.com

[novaslim.muxtape.com]

Yes, I'm 12.

@Go Like Hell Machine: See also: 90% of everything The Exploding Hearts ever released.

@jasmine: wow. I thought I was the only one that still dug that little tune by The System. Nice one.
How about The Blow Monkey's "Diggin Your Scene?"

Let Me Shake You Down by whoeverthatguywas
Black by Pearl Jam
Panties in Your Purse by Drive-by Truckers (just to seal the deal)
Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) by Motely Crue (once you get her and realize you really didn't want her)

"I'm not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance" - Black Kids

[almostcurfew.muxtape.com]

(I Want to) Wake Up Next To You - Graham Parker
With or With Out You - U2
Let The Sunshine In - The Fifth Dimension
It's Raining Men - The Weather Girls
"The Conflicted Mix"

@ Nic Fit: Thanks! I actually had a brain fart (or was that a brainwave?) and added another classic to the mix -- New Edition, "Can You Stand The Rain?" Oh yeah.

@ BowlingAlleyLawyer: I own the CD which, actually, could probably be a good entry for this. Am thinking I might add Terence Trent D'Arby's "Sign Your Name" next.

@hamburgerhotdog:

Years ago, for a first date, a certain gentleman caller made me a mixtape with both "Pony" by Ginuwine and "Freak Me" by Silk

You say that like it's a bad thing.