Gawker
As some of us tear down the institution from within, others continue to build it up from without. I am speaking of you, dear commenters, who may bicker and snipe but in the end mostly say funny things that make us happy. So, as we mourn the faithful departed, let us also celebrate some of those who linger on. After the jump, find six of the week's best efforts.
"Only his bottlenose for sure." [Denton's pick]
"What most people don't know is that that song was written by the world's greatest composer: Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. To do justice to this man, thought by many to be the greatest name in German Baroque music, we present a profile of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker - thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser - kurstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -ein -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache - auuber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker-kalbsfleisch -mittler -aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm." [Hamilton's Pick]
[Pareene's Pick]
"Thank you, Bird of Justice!"
"Anytime. Caw! Stay in school. Caw! Caw!"
"They gave me a crippled gay news anchor."
Your Party Pick this week went to Conbon for his work in Marc Jacobs' New Boy Fends Off Unwanted MySpace Buddies:
"He refers to Franklin as 'F Town?' God, I wish he were from Bellows Falls, Vermont.
Because, well, I'll let you figure it out."
Good work everybody.
Comments
Well done, all.
Bastards.
See why we need Glaring Omissions?
BaconCat, I just said yours out loud and it really made me feel good.
Congratulations, all!
Get out!
Sour grapes here.
@Bell County: Yay! Fun!
Can the rest of us get our "I commented my hardest" ribbons and our dixie cup of kool aid?
Congrats, all!
Is this the first recognition for a "visual" comment? Love it.
If ever I get executed, I'm coming back as KnottySpelltinkle. Or DungleBurstein. Assuming I get clearance from BaconCat, of course.
But seriously. Genius.
@lawyergay: I think he got the commie because he was the only one to make it work.
Oh my goodness. I am in hysterics over Chaim's! Hysterics!!
Great stuff, everyone!
Love the Bird of Justice. I think he/she/it needs it's own weekly column. Caw.
As warranted, another week in the loser's bracket for me. On the plus side, I'm getting pretty comfortable there.
@Bell County: Is there another type of grape I am unaware of?
I'll have to settle for a consolation prize. But then again, any recognition from the almighty Wookie is golden to me. Even a tired Wookie.
@Mediahohoho:
Er...[gawker.com]
I think this is the first time I've won a Commie for restraint.
Well, the Commies are definitely out of my reach, so they only thing I can strive for now is execution.
(sic)
Same-day Commies still frighten and confuse me.
If I can't win, can I at least be a commie-winner groupie? You're all hot shit.
@collegecallgirl: Unfrozen Cavewoman Commenter?
@collegecallgirl: Right??? They make my brain feel like it's being sucked out through my nose by the bronzed, puckered asshole muscle of a female bodybuilder. And why is my nose up there in the first place?
Congratulations to all and especially Bell County because I have always felt when one bell wins, we all win and an angel gets it wings and so forth.
@Unfun: This, coming from one of the super-chic star commenters...
@DorothyMantooth: @Nard38: I may be easily confused. I don't get Conbon's party pick.
@Conbon: I totally get yours, omg, I totally do!
"the first time I've won ..."
I was going to say something but I'm not because I love you - in a commentator sort of way.
@NinaHagen: That was to Conbon - eek!
@Conbon:
@Conbon:
@Conbon:
That's penance for my mistake - like a Hail Mary.
Yay to all! I guess that's why I'm still single.
Congrats, winners.
As for us losers, we can just suck eggs.
@Bell County: Shh! I'm scared if one draws attention to it, it will disappear!
@collegecallgirl: You're always admitting things I secretly want to admit myself. I don't get it either.
@they_live: Remember, the REAL losers are headless right now.
**Butts out smoke, drains tumbler of bourbon**
Ach...do it for the accolades and you're already done.
@collegecallgirl: It's about buttfucking.
@NinaHagen: What I do? SAY IT.
@collegecallgirl: The only thing I can figure is "BF Town," where "BF" is... Best Friend? Boy Friend? Butter Fish?
But Conbon usually acquits himself quite well in these matters, so I've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and now find "Boy Friend Town" to be hilarious.
@Conbon: Ohhhhhh!! The sole "BF" I didn't think of.
Hilarious.
Totes.
Gosh, I hope someone shows (and explains, I'm guessing) Mr. Gnadelstein's comment to Sharpe James.
First-comment Commies should earn a gold star. Good job, Bell County!
Denton likes puns!
@DorothyMantooth: Do you have any idea how hard it was to find a town with those initials? Time-consuming!
@Conbon: Beaver Falls, PA would have been even more confusing!
@Conbon: You made me love you.
@Conbon: Your diligence to the craft is nothing less than astounding, sweetheart.
If Gawker were working properly, I would link to a comment I just made in the Glaring Omissions thread, but since it hasn't shown up yet, just know that your hard work was my inspiration!
@mathnet: It sounds like they need to work on their Search Engine Optimization.
@belltolls: @CaptainFantastic:Thanks, you guys.
@Conbon: Sounds like you think it's a low form of humor or something.
I cannot believe I missed a reference to butt fucking. I don't know if that signals personal growth, or some sort of spiritual atrophy.
@Bell County: Absolutely not at all. The ! was gleeful recognition that he is one of us.
@Conbon: Ah, good. If you take puns away from me, I got nothing.
You like me!!!1! You really like me!!1!!
Thanks, Pareene!