1 Hobo, 1 Cup + A Bonus!

i think he meant to get on the number 2 train

Hobos Get the Runs on Dunkin'

Oh, right, so women can breast feed in the Barnes and Noble coffee shop and I can't shit where I want? Come on...

I don't know if I should be sad or proud about my total lack of shock. It's things like this that make me wrestle with my feelings toward being part of the jaded New Yorker cliche.

2 train, 1 cup

So. Wrong.

yeah people, now make fun of my little bottle of hand sanitizer I take with me everywhere!

I was on a downtown 1 train when a hobo unzipped and whipped it out. My first thoughts were toward the perverse but then he proceeded to dump his beer out on the floor and pissed in the empty beer bottle. Reduce, reuse and recycle.

Think it's time for that old dude to get one of those special bags. He's about what, 400 years old or so?

My roommate saw one dude jiggle a poop out of his pant leg once at union square. Also someone getting a blowjob at the Lorimer L (before the tracks, just in the area lobby).

At least he peed in a cup!

At least now there will be plenty of empty seats in that car.

Those dividers aren't stalls?

The peeing: at least it was in a cup.
The pooing: maybe I don't need to be in the "center of the universe" for a while. Is the center of the universe a brown star?

I remember when I was 12, in a really big city for the first time- Boston. Seeing a drunk pull it out and whiz was like that Simpsons episode where they go to Capital City and are like "Oooh, street crime!"

And still the tourists continue to come. Sigh.

YAY the '70s are back! Bring on the grafitti.

this gent has a lot more class than the typical colonialist yahoo pissing in a neighborhood family's doorway after visiting the local bistro. take notes, newbies!

Oversharey time! Out on a date at Lincoln Center. Unfamiliar food. Lots of cream sauces. Creme brulee dessert. Lactose intolerant. Doom arrived with excruciating cramps on the C train platform in front of Time Warner Center. Mad dash to the thankfully still open mall. Up to 4th floor - spotted a nice restaurant (PorterHouse New York), was politely directed to the men's room.

Nirvana. There were no stalls, rather a collection of individual private powder rooms with marble floors and pocket doors. Privacy! Comfort! Relief! Posh hand soap and individual wee individual cloth hand towels completed the return to normal life.

Never has so much vile illness been addressed in such a civilized manner. Bear it in mind, gents, should things go awry with you in Midtown.

Makes me five again as I say, "Iiiieeeewwwwwwww."

I once walked past a bum pooping on Avenue B. As I walked past he went "Hey there." My immediate response was "no"

Peeing into a cup is completely acceptable (a bottle with a screw on top would be better). Its not like most of the subways have bathrooms and most business are kind enough to let you use their can.

Also it is bad form to poop in the subway car. This gentleman should have "taken care of business" in between cars.

Finally, I am always seeing enormous human turds at the end of the Bowery J stop. Methinks a serial pooper is at large.

It's a lot more fun when a drunk pisses on the third rail.
Some of them survive!

@Knucklehead Babylon: That's businesses you pooping hobo!

@paperpusher: HA!

@UPSider88: Excellent.

@gticlutchburn:
Bravo!

@annasballs:
YES! Can this video be distributed to all incoming tour groups? We must encourage gangs to commence with summer muggings and other violence! Perhaps this is the year the tide (or turd) will turn against tourists, the SATC element, and the luxury condo set. Let the darkness return!

Rebecca suggest I'm shamed by picking my nose in other public places. Au contraire, my friends, au contraire.

@Knucklehead Babylon: Total agreement. That is why the old-style cars are so great. You can easily shit between the cars and let it fall on the tracks. Total convenience.

so wait, there's something wrong about pissing at any FVBD stop? right, because they're so frequent.

I saw a guy squat on a crowded platform at the 14th St. F/V, equipped with a roll of toilet paper.

Is there anyone here who hasn't seen poo release happen at least once in a public place? I could walk you over to exact spot on 27th street where I beheld a similar site in the mid 90s on a lovely spring afternoon. The vision really burns into your brain.

@NewMrsAstor: The only problem is that this might lure Lady Ciccone back to NY. Seein' as how she thinks we've lost our edge & all. But I think as restitution for her recent dissing she should be required to pick up after this subway pooper. AND supply her own plastic bags.

I've seen more human waste on public transportation in this city than I did when I was an RA in a freshman dorm. That's sayiing something.

C'mon. Everyone knows that the second car is always the SCAT car.

@BettyCrocker:
Lots of cream sauces.

Yeah, this isn't going anywhere good....

no

I will be wearing a surgical mask or a respirator mask or a face mask or a gas mask next time I visit NYC.

Last month i saw a doodyman conference on the F train. All laughing and handshaking in this amazing synergy of smell. Totally looked like they were trading tips and heading to TGIFridays to play some soiled santa mixer games.

@ineffable.me: my friend passed out on the f train and woke up with some dude's head in her lap, jerking off. Thank god she wore jeans that day.

That looks a lot like the guy who was eating out of the buffet with his bare hands at the Whole Foods in Union Square.

Not kidding.

But at the same time, maybe some homeless people in NYC have difficult lives?

@Spirit Fingers: excuse me. bleurrghhhhh

My own public fecal meltdown witness story took place in 1999 on the Boardwalk at Coney Island on the day of the Mermaid Parade. Dude was wearing white pants, which he was discarding as he erupted. Probably one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen in my life. And yet everyone around pretended it wasn't happening. Which is why New York rocks.

@roodles: Which is why I always say don't eat hummus unless you've made it yourself.

No really, just don't eat hummus.

And I thought I'd seen all the D train had to offer the night I and two disapproving Mexican men got free ringside seats to a menage a trois complete with pole dancing.

I'm the kind of prick that would tough it out and stay in that car just to see the reactions of people getting on.

And hey, this guy is adding a little meaning to that "America Runs on Dunkin'!" bag he's carrying around.

On the 1, I once had a very polite homeless guy pee between two cars, inconveniencing only the boys selling Peanut M&Ms.

See- no muss, no fuss!

dad?

I have seen many a pee/poo instance, but the worst was on the escalators at Grand Central on the 7 line. A little boy and his dad on the way to a Mets game and there's this homeless dude crapping right next to them. He grabs the news paper out of the dad's hand to wipe his ass, drops everything on the floor and leaves. The look on that 7 year olds face is still burned into my brain.

I'm wondering about that chick looking on. She probably fought to get that seat and she's not getting out of it, poo or no poo.

Here in Boston, we don't really have a lot of poo and pee on the T....we do, however, have a lot of drunk college students' vomit. Take your pick.

Just thank god the seats are plastic in NYC and not upholstered as in London. Upholstery would give all New Yorkers a rash.

*shudder*

@CopyofBlueboy: Maybe not ON the trains, but certainly on some platforms and in /near surrounding T stations. Just this morning one of the Harvard Sq staircases had been shat all over and someone had politely put a trashcan barricade near it to steer commuters around the enormous mess. Not the way I wanted to start my day today but there you go.

I don't think I can poop without peeing a little, even if I just peed!