Gawker
The standard of self-incriminating over-sharing necessary to make a splash in the New York media world has risen so much in this post-Julia Allison world. So what's an aspiring fameball to do? Literally whore herself out for a good story? Well. Former New York Press sex columnist and tit-obsessive Kelly Kreth recently went to a swingers club to remind us all that she looks good naked, enjoys girl-on-girl action, and is available for freelance work. Anything to get your name out there. Proof of Kreth's commitment to becoming a media celebrity after the jump.
I quickly explained that my friend was totally into her. She nuzzled over to me. So I did what anyone would do in that situation &mdash I resorted to lesbianism.[Mr. Beller's Neighborhood]
"So would you kiss me?" I asked her.
I didn't have to wait for a verbal answer.
Pillowy lips, soft and probing tongue. I was liking this. I closed my eyes tight to ward out the mirrors and flesh.
"Now kiss him," I demanded, pointing to my friend.
We rearranged positions so my friend and LaToya could sit next to each other and further down the row I was next to Hector.
Hector took off his towel and began caressing his dick. It wasn't fully hard and was smaller than I expected. But then again, show-ers/growers, et.al.
We leaned in and kissed. Very aggressively. My head hurt this whole weekend from his massive hand in my hair pulling, like a gardener extracting weeds.
Comments
Aww, Kelly.
I wouldn't hire a writer who doesn't know the difference between "etc." and "et al".
This is as sexy as a colonoscopy report.
Showy girl on girl action between heteros is so freshman year of high school drama club. Lame. At least make a sex tape or flash your vag like the rest of the untalented media whores...
Her empathy for the grower/show-er issue, however, wins her my support.
Then I changed the channel.
@TheHonJudgeSmails: speaking of oversharing...
Her NY Press column is called Outside the Box.
@VirusWithShoes: Agreed.
Hector was the mightiest Trojan.
@sassenach: No, 'et al' is correct—there are Showers and Growers, but there are also Stowers, Lowers, Slowers and Doughers.
I myself am a Fro'er. It's very 70's down there.
I did like that last metaphor about pulling hair and extracting weeds. But the fact that he had a "massive hand" seems to be incongruous with the size of his member.
'Probing tongue' just sounds gross to me. Scratch that. Hector and the whole scenario sounds gross to me. And I'm confused, who's LaToya?
@belltolls: Well, I guess being the mightiest of the losers is something.
one thing that annoys about these girls is that I get the impression they don't actually know what they're talking about. jesus fuck - if you had truly gotten a good hair pulling your neck would be sore, not your head. (also, hi rebecca!)
I'm confused as to who was doing whom, too- but also too bored with this nimrod to demand more silly details. A naked reading of the phone book would be hotter.
My head hurt this whole weekend from his massive hand in my hair pulling, like a gardener extracting weeds.
Is this a cadavre exquis written by D.H. Lawrence, Erma Bombeck, and Jerzy Kosinsky?
A post in Mr. Beller's Neighborhood isn't exactly media celebrity whoredom... it's sort of a geo-tagged fiction site, isn't it?
@the supergoddess: That's right, for a true hair-pulling, whiplash should ensue and the puller should leave the pullee with a minor bald spot. Combover Mondays!
@scroll_lock: I'm wearing my piggietails today... wanna come over? (this is me, resorting to lesbianism!)
@nanotalent: I'm picturing Link from Mod Squad now.
@the supergoddess: I'll wear my Pebbles Flintstone ponytail!
I hate bitches that call Jersey people "anonyJerseyans"
Wasn't she just complaining about the stitches from her surgery?
Also: ward to your mother, Kelly.
@scroll_lock: ?
Is "&mdash" a new sex trick?
@BalknChain: You know I's just kidding, Balky! Strictly on the hetero team. What you and I do doesn't count.
@scroll_lock: BAM BAM!!
@scroll_lock: Well, that's ok then.
Two seconds later, I changed my mind, and decided to watch paint dry.
Nothing says "professional publicist" like some good ol' fashioned girl on girl kissing. Seriously, you're like what? 40? Could you just fuck Tucker Max and blog about like other attention seeking whores do?
@scroll_lock:
Ahem!
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AA Plumbing. (732) 555-0122.
AAA Plumbing. (732) 555-1102.
AAAA Plumbing. (732) 555-1433.
AAAAA Plumbing. (732) 555-6681.
AAAAAA Plumbing. (732) 555-9910.
@BalknChain: Plus, I have dain bramage today.
@In Other News...: oooohhhh, YEEEEAAAH, baby! Just like that. For a good time, let's go straight to the F's. Yeah, right there. OOOH, don't stop!
@scroll_lock: Well, I don't need your brain for my plans for you.
@BalknChain: **eyes fluttering, rolling back in head**
@scroll_lock: I looove yooooouuuu *winks*
@scroll_lock: I'm a little low on cash; wanna viseo it this time?
@BalknChain: "video"
@BalknChain: I LUFF you more! @BalknChain: Straight to DVD. Don't forget to dub the soundtrack this time: bow chicka wow WOW wow wow.
@tracyflick: Remember this?
@BeRightBack: Remember what?
Oh, wait. I just saw the link. Yeah. Kinda hard to forget it. Stained manties and pink starfishes. Jesus Christ. I used to blog about my sex life , too. Then I noticed a connection between blogging about my sex life and men thinking I was nothing but a slut with a laptop. Fun for about a month then you look around and wonder how come you're alone on a Friday night or at a swinger's party with some guy with a small dick named Hector pulling your head up and down over his knob.
@tracyflick: Hey, you told me you liked it rough!
Never thought I'd read a girl-on-girl description too lame to be a Forum letter. Thanks for providing a new low.
Hector and LaToya? Really? Because I'm not exactly getting a good mental image from those names.
This was my first exposure to Kelly Kreth, and after scanning some of the linked posts, I have to admit: A woman who's that obviously adventurous often does exude a certain amount of charm. Possibly not being a New Yorker enables me to appreciate this, or something.
@jackparsons: I do! Didn't you read the blog I posted about just mere moment after you came in my mouth? I couldn't contain my excitment. Finally! Validation!
@scroll_lock: oh, Lord, I almost snorted at that bow chicka wow WOW! We bottomed out long ago, you and I, now we're digging ;)
Pics or it didn't happen.
@tracyflick: YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE CHECKING YOUR TWITTER, YOU LYING HARLOT!
@jackparsons: Relax. I twittered and tumbled and typepadded and beamed and vimeo'd everything AFTER you came. I mean, I do have some decency.
@skahammer:
Well, thank you!