Netiquette, facebook chat, internet trends, top, valleywag, we can still be friendsters

Facebook Chat Is Only Good For Spreading STDs

fb%20chat.jpg Facebook chat will no doubt improve the sex lives of college students everywhere. Asking for someone's AIM is totally obvious; it's like the oldest move in the Web 1.0 book. Facebook message flirting takes forever. So Facebook chat just may become the most subtle and fastest way to get laid in college. The only problem is that I'm not in college. I'm an adult who uses Facebook to judge the lives of people I knew in college. Facebook chat reminds me that I'm old. But that's only part of the problem.

I have around four hundred Facebook friends and about four real life friends. Half of my Facebook friends are people I added in a drunken stupor; the other half added me in a drunken stupor. While I might want to look at the "Random Pics" of someone from high school, I certainly do not want to instant message with that person about their "craziest birthday ever." When you sign on to Facebook chat, there's no buddy list. Since all your Facebook friends are theoretically your real friends, everyone comes up. And every time I sign in, the meaninglessness of Facebook friendship becomes more apparent.

The other problem is that to use Facebook chat, you have to admit to using Facebook. And being into Facebook is lame. For as much pleasure Facebook gives me, I know looking at pictures of strangers and creating pithy status updates is not a good use of my time. Plus, having people see you online takes away from the voyeuristic pleasure of Facebook. No onlooker wants to be watched.

But the biggest drawback to Facebook is chat that I don't need it. I can't have three windows dedicated to LOL'ing with friends. Some of us have work to do, even if that work is writing about goofy internet trends.

3:13 PM on Mon Apr 21 2008
By rebecca
6,049 views
27 comments

Comments

mitchel_stevens at 03:21 PM on 04/21/08
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but what other chat bot is there that lets me poke you while typing "LULZ" ?
Nic Fit at 03:22 PM on 04/21/08
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Can I be your fifth friend?

/canceled Facebook page. Got sick of being asked to share all my personal information in exchange for a virtual beer.
contradicto at 03:22 PM on 04/21/08
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I have like 30 Facebook friends and like 6 real life friends. I'm sad now. Excuse me while I go superpoke myself with a suicide note.
rod at 03:30 PM on 04/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 276

I was getting sex off of Facebook without the chat. I'd like the consider myself discreet in that respect. But the chat?

Le chat est pour la putain.

(There's a joke in chat (fr.) and chat (eng.) but tree pollen prevents me from finding it.

[www.enews.org]
brechtgirl at 03:33 PM on 04/21/08
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If you don't already play scrabulous, add the app and that way if anyone sees you online, you're not looking at the lives of people you only tangentially know, but you're big into word games.

or just turn off the chat.
VirusWithShoes at 03:36 PM on 04/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 833

Spreading STD's can be pleasurable, you know.
RocketRockit at 03:38 PM on 04/21/08
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Turn off the chat and collect some damn Flair or something. I have like 200 Facebook friends and, so far, only 3 of them are available for chat on a regular basis. The others are off living or something bizarre like that.
FitnessMadeSimple at 03:41 PM on 04/21/08
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This is way too advanced for me. I still poke chicks I want to have sex with.
Clare at 03:44 PM on 04/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 380

Be it Gchat, Instant Messenger, or Facebook chat, I hate IM of any variety. If you want to talk to me so badly, pick up the damn phone and call me.

@RocketRockit: Pieces of Flair is addictive.
LoveHandles at 03:48 PM on 04/21/08
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@Clare: You sound like my Grandparents. Well done. Oh wait, you're serious?
sassypants at 03:53 PM on 04/21/08
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@FitnessMadeSimple: Right?? What happened to wearing low cut shirts to bars, getting drunk and making bad decisions? I miss the old days.
VirusWithShoes at 03:54 PM on 04/21/08
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@Clare: Well, I did try to call you, but Hillary kept answering.

I'll try your beeper next time.
McCheeburger at 04:03 PM on 04/21/08
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You're funny, rebecca.

I have no use or time for FB, but your comments are nonetheless amusing and dovetail with my own thoughts on social networking sites in general and FB in particular.
djdavetrouble at 04:14 PM on 04/21/08
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mywho? facewhat? whatster?

You nerds are pathetic. go to a bar and get drunk !!!
bytememehard at 04:24 PM on 04/21/08
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It's the old Woody Allen conundrum -- why would you want to belong to a club that would have you as a member?
luciluce666 at 04:33 PM on 04/21/08
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Man, how rad would it be if you could Facebook gift someone Herpes?!
missbheave (is not... at 04:52 PM on 04/21/08
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Bravo. I hate that facebook is still pretending people use it for friends instead of as a schadenfreude generator.

I also being reminded of people who I know but do not like in that little pop up window--they are like the people who you see all the time and know that you don't like, but keep popping up because you hare 37 mutual friends.
AuntPeniston at 04:57 PM on 04/21/08
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@luciluce666:Do you mean to tell me that my ex was lying when he told me that's how he contracted it?

And let me guess--there's no such thing as Virtual Valtrex.
travelina at 05:25 PM on 04/21/08
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Did y'all know that STD is the new bridal industry shorthand for that now-essential "Save The Date" notice that you send out before the actual invitation? I am not making this up: [www.aisledash.com]
Lola del Rio at 05:42 PM on 04/21/08
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I am so glad that I'm not the only one who thinks Facebook is lame.
RocketRockit at 05:49 PM on 04/21/08
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@Clare: Flair is my crack. There are like 600K pieces of Flair or something similarly insane. Have you ever made Flair? It'd revoltingly easy and has made me want to purchase an actual button-making machine STAT.
Style3000 at 05:53 PM on 04/21/08
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The first time i noticed the chat function, I literally froze. then quickly figured out how to turn that shit off. I like to keep my stalking tendencies heavily veiled.
Bell County at 06:29 PM on 04/21/08
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Connectedness Index: 112

@FitnessMadeSimple: I hear you, stick to the BASICs. You might want to peek first, though.
raincoaster at 09:10 PM on 04/21/08
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Facebook is so five minutes ago. It's all about the Webkinz now, baby.
SeaBassTian at 09:57 PM on 04/21/08
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I just figured out how to turn off the chat function. Now I can type in peace and enjoy my smug superiority without any interruptions.
thecomicscomic at 12:15 AM on 04/22/08
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The first time I had a Facebook chat with a friend last week, the site famous for doing the stalking for you proved up for the task by telling me that my friend had just written on someone else's wall. Mind you, Facebook told me this in my chat box. Without letting my friend know that I now knew this! One more reason to love/hate the site.
Jenelle at 12:43 AM on 04/22/08
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If anyone was saying 'Huh?' whilst reading this post (like I was)... Facebook chat has only been released on *some* networks so far.