Facebook Chat Is Only Good For Spreading STDs

Facebook chat will no doubt improve the sex lives of college students everywhere. Asking for someone's AIM is totally obvious; it's like the oldest move in the Web 1.0 book. Facebook message flirting takes forever. So Facebook chat just may become the most subtle and fastest way to get laid in college. The only problem is that I'm not in college. I'm an adult who uses Facebook to judge the lives of people I knew in college. Facebook chat reminds me that I'm old. But that's only part of the problem.

I have around four hundred Facebook friends and about four real life friends. Half of my Facebook friends are people I added in a drunken stupor; the other half added me in a drunken stupor. While I might want to look at the "Random Pics" of someone from high school, I certainly do not want to instant message with that person about their "craziest birthday ever." When you sign on to Facebook chat, there's no buddy list. Since all your Facebook friends are theoretically your real friends, everyone comes up. And every time I sign in, the meaninglessness of Facebook friendship becomes more apparent.

The other problem is that to use Facebook chat, you have to admit to using Facebook. And being into Facebook is lame. For as much pleasure Facebook gives me, I know looking at pictures of strangers and creating pithy status updates is not a good use of my time. Plus, having people see you online takes away from the voyeuristic pleasure of Facebook. No onlooker wants to be watched.

But the biggest drawback to Facebook is chat that I don't need it. I can't have three windows dedicated to LOL'ing with friends. Some of us have work to do, even if that work is writing about goofy internet trends.