The Network That Brought You 'Sunset Tan' Is Counting Down America's Most Shocking Acts of Violence

In a weirdly media-critical kind of way, it doesn't take long to connect E!'s mission of 24/7 pop culture to this Friday's ill-advised countdown entitled ... God, we can barely write it: Going Postal: 15 Most Shocking Acts of Violence. After all, the news is the longest-running reality show of all, and if OJ Simpson, Phil Spector and Co. are more famous as accused murderers than they are for their respective professional triumphs, then the celebritizing of honest-to-goodness mass murderers — not in CourtTV, true-crime style, but rather between episodes of E! News and The Soup — seems the logical next step in the ever-entertaining canon of watching real innocent people die. Right?

We guess. Grab an antibiotic and follow the jump for the program info.

From the Columbine High School massacre that left an indelible scar across the country to the more recent horrors that occurred at Virginia Tech, we'll explore these terrifying crimes, uncover what provoked them and examine how the world today has changed as a result of these atrocities.

The two-hour special includes interviews from victims' family members and survivors who recount the gripping life-and-death moments. Plus learn about the inspirational stories of those who sacrificed to save others. And hear from experts including psychologists, criminal profilers and key law enforcement personnel as they take you inside the warped minds of the individuals whose behavior shaped, shocked and forever changed our world.

Yes, let's "examine how the world today has changed as a result of these atrocities." For starters, E! can actually find advertisers for a two-hour show interweaving 33 deaths in mere minutes at Virginia Tech with teases for The Girls Next Door and Father Hood (among other programming). Then there's the unapologetic conflation of "shocking violence" with "entertainment" — as in, "Thanks for watching E! News; stay tuned for Going Postal: 15 Most Shocking Acts of Violence. Seacrest out!" We don't take much seriously at Defamer HQ, but, yeah, seriously: Fuck this show.

So anyway, forgive any preachiness perceived herein, BUT: If you happen to run into someone from E! — or if you yourself happen to be from E! — please do your part to sabotage this broadcast. Turn off the satellite. Trip the fire alarm. Piss on the tape. We're close enough to Hell without sprinting breathlessly into its sulphur horizons. And anyway, Joel McHale can't even follow a True Hollywood Story, let alone Seung-Hui Cho.