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OMFG, I take it all back. The Gossip Girl phenomenon isn't the worst thing ever. I mean, how could it be when last night's triumphant return episode was just so good? I mean, well, it wasn't that good. It was no Brandon and Kelly hook up in Washington D.C. or Angela rides her bicycle down a Pittsburgh hill, arms outstretched. But, you know, it was good for this show. Starting with the lovely Breakfast at Tiffany's homage and ending with the mysterious revelation of the drug-sending "G" (who we know to be Georgina, played by Michelle Trachtenberg), it was as full of humor and intrigue as this show gets. Oh, and The HIlls was on. Recaps and video after the jump.
OMFG, I Blair and Jenny were the stars of last night's episode, both vying for power over the dim, boring cadre of strangely dressed girls who populate the background of the show. (Though, not so much in the background this episode. Except for poor, inexplicably Asian Katy Farkas, who was shipped off to Israel!) Blair was sad about her dethroning and wore a little kerchief and sunglasses ensemble to disguise herself. Until Serena told her to take it off, saying that everything would be fine at school. Upon Blair's arrival at Constance, young, salamander-esque Jenny hurled yogurt into her hair and everyone laughed. Jenny was in! Sort of! All was not fine and dandy for the littlest Humphrey: she couldn't keep up with the financial strain of having a totally cool wardrobe! So she eventually resorted to stealing a red dress from one of her dopey friends and pawning it for the $1200 dress she really wanted. Little did she know, the one she took was a custom Valentino and worth a bamillion dollars, and was reported stolen by the girl's mother (they blamed the maid). So yeah, Jenny spiraled out of control. At the nadir of her spiral, Blair, angry over a stand-up at Butter (people still go there?), orchestrated a mortifying surprise party for Jenny at her family's hideous, dumpy, bright, spacious, and airy DUMBO loft. She was caught red handed (har har) with the dress, and the goils stormed out. Poor, broken Jenny ran to Nate (whose job this episode consisted of saying "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?") and ended up dragging him to Butter so her gaydarless friend could ooh and ahh at him. This was enough to welcome Jenny back into the fold, meaning Blair was out again. Alas, the lovable Blair's re-ascent to the throne was short lived, but I was happy that the writers seem prepared to keep this story line going for a while rather than wrapping it up neatly and quickly, as they tend to do.
Over in Serena territory, she sucked face with dopey Dan and sparred with soon to be step-brother Chuck "Sort of Appropriately Cast Because He Looks Like a Catfish" Bass. And she was being sent mysterious packages! Like porn and handcuffs, cases of expensive champagne, and little baggies of cocaine. She totes blamed Chuck. And to make matters worse, the little fairy that lives with her, Eric, was becoming friends with the nefarious fop. (They were probably playing a step-brotherly game of Army Doctor). But, what's this? At the end of the episode Serena received a chilling, bright yellow notecard with bubbly handwriting on it, grimly asking if she'd liked the gifts. It was from Georgina, who is on her way back! Serena fled to Chuck's hotel suite, where he'd been banished for the suspected bad behavior. He understood exactly who "G" was and gravely offered Serena a drink. So that's kind of exciting and ominous and whatever. I'm also, of course, keeping a close eye on Flounder, I mean Eric, because he's totally going to come out soon. Yesssss.
Over on The Hills, equal drama was going down, in its odd, muted way. The Heidi/Audrina/Lauren ballet continued, at a clurrrb of course, where Lauren yet again made it abundantly clear that she just can't abide Heidi or Justin Bobby. Yes, Justin Bobby! The brooding scarecrow came back on the scene and... he was not that bad. Didn't he seem a lot nicer in this episode? I dare say he actually listened to what Audrina had to say about her Lauren vs. Heidi issues. So that was nice to see. A little evolution, perhaps! Meanwhile Lo, who continues to tease us with her splendiferous bitchy side, wooed Lauren into renting a house. The pair half-heartedly invited Audrina to move in with them at the end of the episode, making it clear that the road to domestic bliss will be as bumpy as the hills for which the television program is named. [cue foghorn] In Spencer territory, his hilarious (and oddly endearing) descent into couch bum continued, peppered only with a testy conversation with Heidi. Not sure how his bitching and moaning factors into "Operation Win Heidi Back," but whatever, it's fun to watch. Ohh dear, and was it not wonderful/devastating when Heidi said she was coming to check up on him, and he shot back "You just said you came here to see Stephanie" and she made that sad little gurgling noise? When this show actually has a moment of, you know, reality, it just soars. Because these people can be hilariously (and heartbreakingly) human sometimes. I wish there was more of it. It makes you think of how terrific this show could have been if only the producers hadn't focused so much on forced situations. Sigh.
Either way, I continue to be entertained and wish long lives to both series. As ever, I ask humbly, what did you think?
Comments
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't waiting for this all morning.
Spencer went from worst to first in my book. The couch becomes him. I was cackling during his entire scene with Heidi.
The Tiffany scene was their jump the shark moment. This show is over(exposed). It's not as good as the first season of the O.C., first two years of 90210, or the brevity of My-So-Called Life. Blair and Serena (Chuck/Nate/Dan) are done.
That Hills club scene was dubbed like a Bruce Lee movie.
I still watched/loved/laughed, but I'm just sayin. Shit's gone too far.
Never watched it before but you keep on about it. So I did. I get it. It is a delicate little thing that could go wrong so quickly yet tightropes its way along.
The revelation was that I woke this morning and I have to use the following line three times today in correspondence:
"It's not my fault you don't know the price of a Valentino."
That's one.
the passive-aggressive bitchery of lauren and lo in the final scene of the hills was a nice reflection of penelope/jenny/blair/et al on GG. poor audrina couldn't keep up. and did justin bobby get his teeth capped? that scene between him and audrina was blinding (and almost made up for her dim personality...ZING).
Last night I was all "I'm not watching The Hills! It's boring now! I'm looking at facebook in bed!" Then stupid Natasha Bedingfield sucked me in. This show is saaa boring this season, but I kind of want LC's haircut.
How awesome was it when Jennay got BUSTED in the red dress?! Loved it. That little Hazel looks like a troll.
Champagne, porn and drugs in the mail? Oh my. Where can I contact this Georgina?
I, too, have been angry at GG, having spent an entire half a year looking forward to it based on a rec from a friend's little sister who spent an entire summer reading out choice lines from the books when we were on the beach. However, last night's episode was priceless.
I enjoyed the "he made it the same year he made Jackie O's LACE WHITE WEDDING DRESSSSSS" or some line similar to it, as if these girls knew who she was.
That scene from the Hills WAS SOOOOOOO dubbed I am glad someone else noticed it. I figure the alternative convo featured profanity, not often seen on the 12 year old friendly Hills. Or was just boring. Always an option with this show.
"not going to butter is so much better then going to butter"
truer words have never been spoken
Jenny has a lot less yogurt left now.
@StrawBerryShortCake: That was a brilliant line.
933 words. Wow.
Richard, in your own immortal words, "Nothing on the CW deserves this much attention."
The problem with Gossip Girl is that all the parts that should be campy and insane are played straight, and all the serious parts are played for camp. I will say that last night's episode was not as bad as usual.
Am I the only one noticing the (kinda creepy) sexual tension between Nate & Jenny?
And is that supposed to be there?
Justin Bobby looked like Zorro.
@BK_KT: I can not BELIEVE she cut her hair, it looks so terrible on her. But I'm sure on you it would be adorable.
why so awkward audrina?
final thought... LC can say more with her eyes than anyone ever... it creeps me out.
I cannot lie, I enjoyed the Brody Jenner name-drop in GG last night.
@rod: Talk about endless!
@EleanorRigby:
ditto. sadly.
@DorothyMantooth: I def thought they were gonna bone. I don't really have a problem with that, more the sexual tension betwixt Dan and Jenny is where my issues lie.
Wouldn't it be awesome if they merged the 2 shows together then Jenny & Blair could fight over Justin Bobby and we could see Whitney's bad girl side and she throws herself at Chuck Bass!!!!
In all honesty, I can't deal with Audrina's vacant stares. And regardless of whether it's exposed or not, I know that scary neck tatt is lurking behind her weave. For that (and many other) reason(s), I can't bother with the Hills.
Now, UES teen drama? I wish everyday was Monday. I'm glad to see that the hyperbolic NYMag Headline and commentary didn't taint your love for the show. In all, it was a solid show - not my favorite but I didn't hate it. I'm with you on the Butter comment. Seriously? Who goes there any more? Did they get their table on opentable.com? As for the 'mo who's about to be revealed, I honestly think Crawford and his already questionable sexuality (Thanks JC!) could be at stake - much to the chagrin of gays everywhere. Think about it, they distance him, give him little to say, and later everyone goes, "Where's Nate?" It then becomes clear he's fighting inner-turmoil over the fact that he's never wanted to put it in Meester's tah, which is why this break-up comes at such a convenient time. He also defies his father earlier in the show by claiming he has no desire to go to Dartmouth but instead is looking west - distancing himself and allowing room to be/find/whatever himself. FURTHER, wouldn't he have gone in for the kill with Jenny? I thought that Eric, our little bobble-head, was her gay confidante? Suddenly Nate's watching out for her? Next stop, he's taking her shopping at BG. (Well, he does love to shop, and the boy CAN dress...)
Just saying....
HOW THE FUCK did jenny get the valentino out of the store when the lady knew she was jonesin for it and the store looked to be about 12x12??? is she gon get busted next time?
Lily: Don't put your dirty package on the table.
Chuck: If I had a dime for every time I heard that...
ok i'm done now i swear.
@mattymcd: Dan can have sexual tension with pretty much anything around -- he is just that fiiiiine.
(Ah, shit. I s'pose the same angle works for Nate, too, eh?)
Maybe they should merge the 2 shows. Then Jenny and Blair can fight over Justin Bobby and we can watch bad girl Whitney throw herself at Chuck Bass.
I love how Heidi inserts herself into Lauren's evening with the sole purpose of making it awkward, talks shit about her all oops-I-think-she-heard-me-on-purpose loud, and then complains to Stephanie that Lauren inexplicably can't stand to be around her, and then complains to SPENCER that Lauren was being an icy bitch by not talking to her.
Either she is COMPLETELY SCHIZO or else John McCain was right.
I can't believe no one mentioned the very subtle outing of Serena's younger brother last night! When Serena asked him where he'd been he said, "I was at Therapy."
Not the doctor's office people. The gay bar.
@magic8ball: Audrina would totally get with Chuck, I feel like Whitney's more of a Dan girl... which leaves Nate for Lo (because I am NOT putting him with Lauren),and that's actually pretty adorable.
Blair could totally out-bitch Heidi.
GG is the best thing to happen to my life since I moved to Alabama.
@DorothyMantooth: "I do not wish to share any of your DNA."
"Then I suggest you get new hand towels."
@monpetitchou: it was like two worlds colliding!!
@mattymcd: a i agree.. that was exactly what went through my mind as he sat on her bed and rubbed her back to console her..
my bro and i are close, but if he ever did that id be way weirded out.
@EleanorRigby: "I do NOT share any DNA with you. Nor do I want to."
"You should probably get some new hand towels then."
@DorothyMantooth: Oh yeah. It's supposed ot be there. Guarantee Lil' Jenny will become a woman by end of season and Nate will be her first.
I love when Jenny's dad said, "And I know you didn't make that dress because your sewing machine's not here." But if the sewing machine HAD been there, he would have assumed this stupid bitch could handcraft a VALENTINO.
I'm sorry -- I'm on-board with this show. I can't even hate on the 85% of the plot that is ridiculously derivative and dull. It's that 15% that makes the magic.
lo's "omygah i'm so excited." at the prospect of audrina moving in "if you guys want me to" was so painful. as was something about "i mean it won't be any less fun.." a. was definitely at a disadvantage in the grey matter department with lc, but she clearly doesn't stand a chance against the comparatively razor-witted combo of l and l.
@Gregoire: I think the Jenny cake was about 5% of that 15% of magic last night. So brilliant.
@Colonel Mustard: Heidi: I just wanted to let you know, JustinBobby is here.
Audrina: Oh well, I haven't seen him in a really long time. I'm just trying to get over him.
Heidi: Are you ok, do you want me to make sure he doesn't come into this room or anything?
HAHAHAHA. WTF Heidi. Your brain is as stupid as your face. What if Audrina had said yes? Heidi would patrol her table like a mini-bouncer?
@mattymcd: My personal favorite line was "Miz Blair! Wake up Miz Blair!" But I can't help but cackle when The Help gets involved.
As for the Audrey Hepburn thing, I think the show is doing a particularly bad job of translating that part of the books to screen. In the original Gossip Girl series, Blair, being way crazier and more schizophrenic, believes that she is in fact Audrey. That's why there are so many references to Breakfast at Tiffany's (those who were looking carefully may have noticed a photo of Holly Golightly above Blair's bed in her gay dad's chateau): it's not an homage to the film so much as a reference to how seriously fucking nuts B. is.
(Spotted: A twenty-something gay man living vicariously through fictional fifteen-year-olds.)
recast the actors except ed, taylor, leighton and yes, even chace (let's not upset the gays too much). get some good writers, don't let josh schwartz within a thousand miles of the set. put lolcait as the showrunner and a bunch of gawker regulars as the staff (collegecallgirl, conbon, etc.)
Were we always supposed to believe that Katy was Jewish/Israelian?
@StonedAndDethroned: totally agree. but i totally wish the writers had some cojones and made dan/nate gay. god, that would be this hag's heaven. mondays are my new favorite day.
Have never seen the show, watched the clip. So sad to see the minds of young women wasted on this materialistic drivel.
Duh, Whitney would date Nate Archibald, if she could get to him before Emily, the Super Intern from the NYC Teen Vogue office. Which I doubt, because Emily was a perfect match for Nate, if Nate was real or Emily, um, wasn't.
fuck last night was amazing.
how many times can Bee be de-throwned in one episode?!
@the Librarian: But is it better than 30 Rock?
What is going on here?! How can so much be said about these two shows? Give me all six seasons of Dawson's Creek on DVD any day.
OMG, Chuck is so sad and precious and misunderstood! That wounded, puppy-dog look in his eyes (when he made his way back to the lonely/palatial hotel suite) was so tragic it almost made me forget about the time he TRIED TO RAPE SERENA IN THE KITCHEN.
Then again, there is still hope for a reconciliation. After all, this is a world where hot Asians are Jewish, $3 million BK lofts are hopelessly untrendy and stealing one-of-a-kind vintage Valentinos is totally forgivable...
Meanwhile, is anyone else not at all surprised that a 15 year-old pubescent girl wears the same exact dress size as the Popular Girl We've Never Seen Before's mother?
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