Gawker
Today on Essentially Emily, Emily Brill asserts that Nick Denton is not the only reason why people bother to read Essentially Emily. No, they care about the pseudo socialite who is "friends" with Kristian Laliberte because of her dad, former media tycoon and current airport security specialist Steve Brill, and not because Gawker occasionally highlights her wit and wisdom. Emily claims, "Nick's greatest fantasy, indeed, would have been a public feud with Steven Brill over his humiliated daughter." I've been to Nick's apartment, and his fantasies have nothing to do with Steve Brill.
Emily continues:
Nick figured that I was just another dumb shit/ yacht-hopping "heiress" and that the only retaliation he would get would be from Steven Brill- best of all, that this was going to 'up' his status and maybe even land him a good table at Michael's.Although Nick's motives are never clear to anyone, Michael's is way too far uptown for him. Also, it isn't 2004.
What sets Emily apart, of course, is not merely the distinguished name, but the coupling of that name with her profound and impressive cluelessness. In college, I had a seminar with Emily while she was a visiting student at Columbia. Her incessant references to prep school and befuddlement about how to get to the center of the Brooklyn Bridge ("Where should I tell the cab driver to stop?") intrigued me, and I had no idea who her father was. I found her website from the pre-Essentially Emily days, where she had posted a picture of herself in her Hanukkah jammies getting a brand new Lexus, complete with a large red bow, just like the ads.
(Her specialness aside from the name may be why no one bothers her brother Sam.)
But all the ridicule of the internet has not deterred Emily. As she says, "I developed a 'now or never' mindset (which I do not regret to this day)." This day is now, right? Because if it were never, that wouldn't make sense at all.
And what exactly is Emily doing now? Her dad wants to know: "He keeps telling me to 'Get a J-O-B.' got one dad."
Apparently getting mocked on Gawker is now a profession. Consider this post your spring bonus.
Comments
This is really great, Rebecca. I thoroughly enjoy watching the undeserving brought low.
Still, I could tolerate almost anything this girl says, as I've met dozens of girls like her in the past. But her Betty Ford hair, I will not abide.
Isn't not getting fat again a full time job? Does she have cancer yet?
Who the fuck is Emily Brill?
Emily Brill? More like Emily Pill!
Is it too soon for me to pitch her and her friends their own Bravo TV show?
I'm calling it "Brill's Malcontents."
As long as we're talking about this family, there hasn't been a decent song written in their building in ages.
Don't Denton's fantasies involve naming someone Boltlung Iron and writing in his tumblr while trying to pass it off as fake?
Or Klondike Bars. Mmm, Klondike bars.
@moff: Oh moff, you sound like my mother. That's like, her meanest slur, reserved only for the girls who bossed me around in fifth grade.
Ugh, I take it back. This puddle of girlslop is insufferable.
To wit, from her blog:
Nicky D Media has done it again. Breaking News from Beatrice Inn. Get it while it's hot. I haven't been down there in almost two weeks because I'm taking some time to focus on my writing. But thank god I have Gawker to keep me up to speed on the latest happenings. Really, thank god.
Today's insider scoop: "Beatrice Inn Shuts Down Sex and Drugs Forever" and refers to a message someone photographed on Bea's bathroom door regarding the venue's policy on illegal substances (they don't allow them…).
Here's a newsflash to Hamilton Nolan: that message about 'substances' has been on Bea's bathroom door, to the best of my recollection, since January.
Did somebody get a little Beatrice-struck? Just a little bit tickled to have made it past Angelo for the first time and all the way into the potty with his cam-a-wah?
I'm pretty sure she's trying to tangle with Gawker in order to raise her own profile.
Why does Denton get all the credit? We commenters were the ones mocking her asinine cancer survivor remarks! Where's the bile for the creative underclass?
Is that a still from "Willow"?
@Phyllis Nefler: I got it from my mom, too. Usually it applies to my uncle.
@TheHonJudgeSmails: For someone who claims to be a mature adult, she sure resorts to smug boasts about her own status/privilege pretty quickly.
@Colonel Mustard: Yes, let's count the salient facts she so seamlessly weaved into this little post:
1) I am aware of the Beatrice Inn
2) I consider not having been there in the past 2 weeks an extended absence
3) I take time off from nightspots to focus on my writing (what?)
4) I refer to the Beatrice Inn as "the Bea"
5) I know how long specific signs have been in the Beatrice Inn's bathrooms
6) I know the name of the glorified bouncer at the Beatrice Inn
@Chaim Gnadelstein: Ha! She does look like that midget actor!
@TheHonJudgeSmails: Taking some time to focus on your what what E. Brills? Such enchanting musings as "TREND ALERT: Spring Fur?" and your shocking expose on cakes for dogs should be called something far more glorious than "writing."
@TheHonJudgeSmails: Not to mention the implied
7) You're just jealous
Which was always the sterling defense of fifth-grade idiots everywhere.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes everyone mocks you and hates you because you deserve it.
@mattymcd: Revolution by Keyboard?
@Colonel Mustard: She's so blissfully unaware of what a boring little slug she is. I almost envy her.
Does she ever literally suck her dad off, or is it just through her "writing"? The fantasy of a feud with The Steven Brill? To quote Butthead, "Zip her up. She sucks."
She's Brill-iant.
Hey, Emily, the Jerk Store called, they're running out of you!
Though the girl does have a point...after all, can anyone remember a time when "socialite" wasn't just a polite term for "unemployed rich person?"
"I developed a 'now or never' mindset (which I do not regret to this day) and knew that it was go time. Sunglasses on (at night), time to rock."
Sweetie? You're an idiot. And I don't know who the fuck your father is.
@Chaim Gnadelstein: Thank you.
I like how she puts "heiress" in quotes but not dumbshit.
@The Wintour of Our There was a time when they were - at least nominally - raising money for and awareness of charities, rather than themselves.
@Smitros: Ha!
@TheHonJudgeSmails:
I'm pretty sure she's trying to tangle with Gawker in order to raise her own profile.
And huh, lookie here-- It seems to be working!
Granted, she may be a tad verbose (that's an awful lot of words just to say, "First time past the rope, jackass?")-- and sorry, I just don't feel inclined to read the rest of her 'work' (Gawker or no Gawker), but
I'm thinking she may not be all that stupid, either.
I'm just sayin.
She and JA should totes get together! POWERBLOGGING!
So by the time of the web 4.0 version of this girl comes out, they will just stand naked in a clear plexiglass box in Times Square all day, right?
Oh, Emily. I know you read every single post concerning you on Gawker until it is pushed back to the third page by new stories, and people stop commenting so listen up. Last time I gave you advice/criticism, you responded quite quickly through your blog, so I know you are paying attention.
It is a bit nervy for you to think that Nick Denton would ever fantasize about trying to take you down. You aren't that important dear, nor is your father. He may have been wildly successful at one time within the world of media, but most of his media endeavors are now defunct.
Sorry Emily but the only reason you've received any attention in the first place was your proximity to real gawker targets like Laliberte.
As I have told you before, distance from those silly soon to be hasbeens is a positive move. However, there is a not so pleasant side effect if you continue to chase some modicum of fame. If not compared to the ridiculously pathetic antics of your former "circle," your misguided baffoonary is going to shine more brightly.
@Colonel Mustard: I have been around people like her my entire life. In general, the more they brag the less they have.
Also doesn't she realize that before Denton can begin a feud with Steven Brill he as to settle that ongoing battle with Sam Levine the furniture king of Yonkers?
Essentially Emily, compared to you, Paris Hilton is the hardest working woman in America. But kudos on losing all the weight -- the 'spit-don't swallow' diet worked wonders.
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