Nobody watches The Hills. But even more nobody watches Gossip Girl. While not in the same time slot, both shows air on Monday nights, meaning they are inevitably pitted against each other by television writers, in some sort of useless garbage battle royal. Because fake truth is more interesting than strange fiction, The Hills' 3.75 million viewers easily outnumbered Gossip Girl's 2.5 this week.

The CW will be quick to shake its arm vaguely at the internet as an explanation for all this, while MTV will stay smug about The Hills' strong performance in the coveted 18-34 demo. TV blog Reality Blurred can't figure out why such low-rated shows get so much coverage, but suspects it has something to do with Los Angelenos' and New Yorkers' horrible, everywhere else-hating narcissism. You know, it's probably true. We do like to talk about ourselves. Though, if a show was filmed and took place in Ashtabula, Ohio, you can bet that the Star Beacon would write about it every damn day, too.