Please, God, Please, Let These Men Fight to the Death!


Uwe Boll's 15 minutes of hammy artistic self-defense are just about through, but we find ourselves increasingly won over with his thrashing, language-butchering viral efforts on his own behalf. And while we're pleased to hear he'll be judging that Uwe Boll Movie Challenge we noted here yesterday, we are total suckers for his latest — and ideally his last — publicity stunt before vanishing into fauxter oblivion. Or, in his words: "Boll against Bay":

[I]t's my message to Michael Bay, Michael, in between your pool parties in LA or your casting sessions with the strippers you should start training now. And I'm sure you look good, you look thin. I saw you at the Hollywood Film Festival, I think you're a fit guy and you do like private karate Asia bullshit crap fighting stuff in LA where you think you're super cool that you do that with your 500 bucks per hour trainer.

So let's meet in the ring in September or October. Pay-per-view. Mandalay Bay. Las Vegas. Twelve rounds of boxing. Boll against Bay.

If we're not sick of either man by then, we'll consider attending. Meanwhile, the Uwe Boll Movie Challenge is one step closer to legitimacy this morning as we hear that Boll himself — who classically derided the usage of ketchup, little brothers and "bullshit name[s] out of the Internet" among his haters' own film oeuvres — has signed on to judge short films employing those criteria.

Two days after laying his challenge down, proprietor Matthew Dessem tells Defamer HQ that there are still no prizes, but he's being hard on himself: Think of the distinction of having your work ridiculed by a man whom 224,285 people (and counting) have asked to stop making movies. "This is a big step toward my ultimate goal: becoming a footnote on Uwe Boll's Wikipedia entry," Dessem adds. We're glad to help, Matt! Now if we could just find a little brother, our own filmmaking fantasies could be complete.