This is one of the funniest things you've ever written.

Remember when you did Out of Sight? And I liked you?

@scroll_lock: Oh so seconded, and that's saying something.

I giggled all the way through reading that, like a happy mental patient.

I hope it turns into Jenniffer Y Marc Mas 8! Ay Dios Mio!

@VirusWithShoes: @scroll_lock: I agree as well. Let's all get naked.

But seriously, it's true, it IS "the simple act of procreating." Why do we treat each celebrity child like the second coming of Christ? Most people have kids, big fucking deal. It's bad enough having to pretend to care about the children of people you actually deal with in real life.

@scroll_lock: @VirusWithShoes: Thirded. "Peruvian shrunken head boyfriend."

"Choney".

"Mildren."

Either works.

I would pay good money to see a reality show in which Richard (aka R.Law to people from 2003) dresses as H.S. Moneybags and visits adoption agencies.

@Nard38: Fourthed. Richard, this is funnier than Bob's Upstairs School of Law.

What we've failed to realize is that celebrity children are better than regular children. They look better, they smell better, and their excrement helps combat global warming.

@mathnet: Richard was in "Out of Sight"?

@Unfun: I was naked already. Obviously.

@VirusWithShoes: I'm actually Ving Rhames.

The visual of them mashing genitals just caused my balls to fall off.

@VirusWithShoes: @Unfun: @Nard38: @In Other News...: "while coping with her big butt..."
@Unfun: Will there be mashing of genitals?!

I'm suddenly in the mood for bangers and mash.

Forget Children of Men... Children of the Corn is more like it.

@LolCait: The bad guy out of Flash Gordon?

@iamrulalenska: My ovaries shriveled and my nipples turned inward.

@scroll_lock: Genitals will be lightly sauteed.

@Unfun: Don't forget the capers.

@VirusWithShoes:
"I giggled all the way through reading that..."

I know you're Scottish, but it's spelled "giglied."
You're welcome!

That was funny as hell! I'm still convinced that mr. shrunken head could've handled that massive junk with his frail tiny physique.

@fileunder: I sit corrected. Damn my McSpellchecker!

@VirusWithShoes:
Hee hee.

Teeming with hilarity, but I think said shrunken head person is actually Puerto Rican, which can be the only basis for which I think she's allowing his shrively peen near her mountainous ass. Also did I mention that those kids look like Tenctoneese love-children? Waiting for Mandy Patinkin and a very old James Caan to claim these cast offs.

Jesus, my one kid is, like, a million times cuter than her two, and you can see pics of him for free. If you ask. Nicely. But Christ, extorting money from the retards who buy celebrity magazines for this? Really? People I really don't have a problem understanding George W. Bush's presidency in the least.

@Mediahohoho: Think of it as a Stupidity-Tax.

I swear, Marc Anthony looks like he's always in heroin withdrawl.

And while I respect Ms. Lopez' business acumen (cuz' she did work her culo off to get off the block), her politics have always rubbed me the wrong way.

First, use the hip-hop crowd to pump up your stardom (yep, J.LO and P-Diddy all the way).

Then, desert them (and the J.LO title) to become a Hollywood starlet.

Then, become a great businesswoman (but less buzz-worthy and relevant) and use your babies to vault back into the spotlight.

Plus, my aunt works at the hosp where the twins were born and said that Ms. Lopez was hella rude and maddeningly disruptive to the facility's operation.

Bleh.

Is that Jennifer Lopez's real nose on the People cover? Why is it so WIDE?

@Nard38: Peruvian shrunken head! No wonder the one twin looks looks like it belongs in the Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum.

@Spirit Fingers: Nuyorrican actually. But Nuyorrican shrunken head doesnt sound as funny.

@LolCait:
Ving Rhames is a dude?

@gunshy007: A high-financial return on procreation has a tendency to widen the olfactory nerves to the extent you can smell bananas ripening in the Helsinki branch of Whole Foods.

@Mediahohoho: People comes to this office because the employees like it. I let it lapse once and they started bringing in copies of "Us" and "In Touch" which, having seen how bad they are, I promptly forbade and and sent a check to People.

If there were a way to do it I'd skip all Celebrity Baby! issues and ask for a credit so People would know how much I dislike them.

And I don't even hate babies or parents. But I'm sure your kid is the cutest ever. And congratulations, I didn't realized it had been born.

I hate her. Hate her, honestly beyond reason.

And while I quarrel with the characterization of the 'simple act of procreation' (from 2 cells to an entire miniature human in 38 weeks? Nothing simple about that), it has been done before, indeed many, many times.

And those babies, as noted above, are just not cute.

@mmh: Procreation is a simple act. Just look at how many of us there are. And how even the most idiotic manage it day and daily.

What you describe is gestation. Another kettle of fish. Especially if you are a fish.

What's the most annoying about her is how she transforms her image according to the guys she's dating. With P.Diddy, she was all hip hop. With Ben Affleck, she was all "serious" hollywood actress. With Marc Anthony, she's all about her Latin roots.

@BoBoFlo: which is why its so weird she gave the babies the most unhispanic names ever.

@BoBoFlo: And on the cover of "People" she's all about looking like the dark-haired version of Amaya, the fat-faced lady from "Real World: Hawaii."

@crotchety: Yeah, little bugger showed up early. Fills me with unbelievable joy, but in no way do I believe others would have that same reaction. This is what the word "personal" is for. When I hear of people selling baby pictures to celebrity magazines, another word comes to mind. That word is "whore."

When I was growing up in Illinois it was considered a point of honor to make money only off of your four-legged livestock.

@Smitros: Have you seen these kids? [rimshot]

Thanks, folks, I'll be here all week.

@VirusWithShoes: Do amoebas have safe a-sex?

@gunshy007: is that the best snark you can come up with?

@ineffable.me: not naming her kids jose and maria doesn't make her any less proud of her latin roots.

and i'm not a j-lo apologist kids, but if you're gonna hate on her, at least bring something good to the table than making fun of her nose and what she names her children

Can't sing, can't act, can't design clothes, can't cook. Can bump uglies and produce twins, so she's not completely useless afterall. What a relief.