Gawker
This week's Modern Love, the column in the NYT's Sunday Style section, bucked a trend. It's supposed to be about modern love, duh, but it's usually about adopting babies and cancer. This week, it actually was about modern (text-messaging) luv, with an essay by a young woman about her awkward flirtation with a frustratingly immature but totally cute indie-rocker boy in Brooklyn. Title of essay: "Was I On a Date or Baby Sitting?" HEY OH! "I asked my musician friends what they knew about him. Joanna, a singer, summed him up: 'He's an indie rock dreamboat. His voice is transcendent and he writes lovely lyrics. He has a nice face, he has a kid and he tours a lot. He's a star in his world.'" Oh, perfect: the conveniently unavailable guy who "goes on tour" a lot. Of course, we'd all love to know who the dude is and what band he is in. Thanks to a tipster, now we know!
"The classy text messager in the column in Matthew Caws from Nada Surf and he's still with the girl he broke up with the first for." HEY OH! You'll remember Nada Surf for their 1996 joke hit about high school, "Popular." (The album totes didn't sell and Nada Surf was dropped from their label; they went indie and made more records. Amazingly, they're still a band.)
Excerpts of dating classiness from the man whose hit song included the lyrics, "Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to... prolonging the situation only makes it worse":
A CUTE guy from a rock band sent me an e-mail message out of the blue. We had a friend in common, and he saw me sing "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses one night in Brooklyn, at karaoke.Still, he was cute, so they went on a "date":
He continued, in all lowercase, to introduce himself. I scrolled over his rambling exposition, waiting for the payoff. Was he going to ask me out? He didn't. "i'm at home absolutely spazzing out because we're leaving in a few days to make a record and i have to/really should finish a long list of songs. so, waving hello and/or re-hello! all the bestest."
My enthusiasm waned. A hot guy in an indie band waved me hello and/or re-hello mid-spazz-out?
He took me for a walk around his neighborhood. I'm always suspicious when a guy takes his date on a walk, because it reeks of poverty and an inability to plan. It seemed as if he was taking me on a stroll of his estate, and from the way people on the street greeted him with questions about his tour and album, it was as if he was the king of his neighborhood.Careless behavior followed and certain parties ended up getting hurt, per usual. The essay's author, Julie Klausner, concedes that, "I would soon learn a lesson men have known for years: that it's possible to be attracted to somebody you don't like."
Yes. Yes it is.
[Photo: Michael Schmelling for NY Mag]
Comments
I find the opposite is true, too. That's why I hate all people--especially celebrities--who get fat.
It's also possible (and fun!) to actively seek to have sex with people you hate, but I guess that's a different Modern Love article altogether.
Dreamboat? More like a dinghy.
Ha! I'm "frustratingly immature" too. Oh well.
Oh and that's the worst e-mail message ever.
Come on, give us the goods. How big was his ween?
I'm definitely stealing that "Pay homeless guys to ask you about your tour and album while you're on a date" trick.
I Nada Surf plays a lot in Spain (another member of the band is from a Spanish family). I shall warn my female friends.
Wow, "re-hello" is so IRC circa 1996 after your dog kicked the modem plug out of the wall.
"Thanks to technology, there are so many more ways to fail."
I made it one minute into that video, then punched my eyes and ears.
If he's "cute", then I'm George Clooney.
Oh, straight people! *snicker*
Julie Klausner, C-List UCB performer? That's such a perfect match. She could always be counted on to do a whore bit because he was marginally more attractive than the rest of the women. Now she's spinning all the femilady comedy shit (not that I disagree; watching women play the slut angle for cheap laughs from desperate NYU frosh boys is pretty gross). If anything is the most 'water finds it's own level' fameball matchup since Jakob and Julia.
@Unfun: dream-boat is still either 1)a collective unconscious which ends, or something which inevitably sinks
Good god, I need an editor
Julie Klausner, C-List UCB performer? That's such a perfect match. She could always be counted on to do a whore bit because she was marginally more attractive than the rest of the women there. Now she's spinning all the femilady comedy shit (not that I disagree; watching women play the slut angle for cheap laughs from desperate NYU frosh boys is pretty gross). If anything this the most 'water finds its own level' fameball matchup since Jakob and Julia.
This is why women in New York get grouchy when our smug married cousins back home want to know why we "don't even have a boyfriend."
It is impossible to explain that there is no middle ground: we either trade sad text-messages with man-children who are doing the same thing with five other women, or are offered engagement rings on first dates by fat, balding men old enough to be our fathers.
Sigh. It's not too early for a drink, is it?
According to My Secret Source, Caws is 41. Even with my diminished expectations, this is terrifying.
When I finished reading the article yesterday I thought, someone needs to donkey punch this dumb twat (Julie, that is -- though I'm sure Matthew will get his).
I can't hate on this woman since she is responsible for CAT NEWS!
[vids.myspace.com]
@nozzle: and he definitely looks 41 in his Wikipedia photo, which I assume "My Secret Source" is code for.
@ninety_nine: I know it's very difficult to imagine women "play the slut angle" because they actually like sex and not to impress the boys, but close your eyes and try. You can do it.
@City_Dater: I'm with you, love. I've said it before in so many words. Dating in NYC, sucky, kill myself, for fuck's sake, etc.
city_dater speaks the TRUTH.
Blah blah blah. This is all sour grapes from at least a year ago. BTW, Nada Surf continues to pack in audiences for 2 tours a year in Europe and the US, so of course they're "still a band." Try listening to music outside of commercially mediated culture, Sheila.
@BadUncle: Don't take your shitty taste in music out on us, thanks.
This story works better when you sub Julie Kavner for Julie Klausner.
Seemed to me that this lady was inflating the whole 'affair' and now wants to come off all "I was never that into him anyway".
@SarahHeartburn: According to their myspace page, they're in Murcia tonight and Madrid tomorrow. Better start making those calls.
I attended a wedding a few years ago where Matthew Caws officiated -- he'd been ordained just for the occasion. After the ceremony, he got on stage with the groom's band and they played a great set. He is actually quite dreamy.
God, this woman seems bitter. And desperate. No wonder she got left in the dust. It's a good thing she likes cats, because she'll probably have a house full of them before too long!
Sheila? Are you someone's mom or something?
Yeah, they're still a band and they've sold out shows for years as a result of their last three (stunning) discs, Let Go, The Weight is a Gift, and Lucky. I have no idea if the piece is really about Matthew or what Matthew's dating proclivities might be. But not having heard their post-"Popular" stuff--even if you hated it, that's fine, *but you haven't even heard it*--indicates that you need to put down the knitting and Sudoku and get out more.
@BadUncle: Yeah, rock on, dude! Their performance almost sold out at the Vintage Vinyl Record Store in Fords, NJ last week!
He's not poor, he has or had a beautiful loft is Wburg as of a few years ago. LOL he did however have large index cards taped to a coffee table labled with Keys, Money, and something else. He'd place the items there so as not to forget. He has ADD, and a huge um, member. Nice sexual memories, but he's not a love catch at all. Completely adorable though.
I can't sign on to this snark. Nada Surf is fairly successful, Matthew is nice looking in that second-rate Daryl Hall kinda way, and everybody sounds like a retard in txt msgs.
The determination of whether he is a true douchebag or just epicly spastic is unclear to me in this particular example.
In any case, you straight people fascinate me with your mating customs.
@bytememehard: Oh Terminal 5 here in Manhattan, two weeks ago. Last time I checked, most bands did record store shows.
@City_Dater: Yeah, same thing is true in LA.
And I'm of the mind that going for a walk is fine (if you live in a kinda cool neighborhood where the chances are low that you'll get mugged). Uh, in fact, I did that on a date last night. Does my acceptance mean I'm part of the problem?
BadUncle: Listening to music outside the "commercially mediated culture" is precisely why I haven't heard their new records (in my opinion!!!)
@whoneedslight: And if it was Julie Newmar, it would be even awesomer.
Maybe she was just boring. Esp if she was drinking diet coke in a bar.
@carnevale: whoops! That comment was actually from Sheila. I'm at Denton's computer and accidentally logged in as someone else. So direct hate mail towards me, please!
Where to start, where to start...
According to Wikipedia, Matthew Caws is 40 fucking years old. In what context is a 40 year old man a "cute indie rock boy"? Oh yeah, in a Williamsburg context. DAMN YOU GRUPS!!!
[nymag.com]
Good person, bad boyfriend, spoken from personal experience. It happens.
@carnevale: I meant that "ironically." I don't think anyone can make it as a professional musician without being commercially mediated / validated. Except maybe GG Allin.
@TheUpMyAssPlayers: @mallorykeaton: How many gawker commenters did this dude schtup?
@Unfun: no, you're mixed up, that's a different band, and probably a lot more fun to date. oh, wait, nevermind.
@Sheila: ah! BTW, I take my non-commercial mediation through kexp.org, or wfmu.org. Highly recommend, low in transfat.
@Unfun: I was talking about her performances, not her life. She can fuck as many bad indie musicians as she wants. But if you one hook on stage is tartin' it up, well, you are just a one note comedian.
@TheUpMyAssPlayers: That index card on the coffee table thing is a really good idea. I will have to steal this and add a "large member" index card in honor of Caws.
Oh jeez, Nada Surf is hella good. The writer in the piece claims she listened to their music online & it sounded like boring emo, but Nada Surf is powerpop, not emo -- & the world needs more good powerpop.
On a slightly different note, if you've only been jerked around by ONE immature musician in your life, I don't think you should be allowed to make money writing articles about it. It's a bit like those college kids who spend a night out on the library lawn to "experience" being homeless, then write an editorial about it for the school paper. It may be some big novelty for you, lady, but for some of us it's a way of life!!
@Unfun. All of us. P.S. you are 100% right about dating in NYC.
@BadUncle: Yeah, well if you love 'em so much, why don't you marry 'em?
@Unfun: Case in point: ninety_nine, plasticaisle,bytememehard. Yikes!
Wow, going for a walk through the neighborhood on the first date is lame? How about when combined with nice Thai? I'll have to ask my wife when I get home. Maybe she's been keeping that from me this whole time. Has it all been a sham?
In real music news, Josh Ritter is in town tonight.
@ninety_nine: "She could always be counted on to do a whore bit because she was marginally more attractive than the rest of the women there." There's some sort of offensive notion in there involving attractiveness level, women and sexuality, but I'm too tired to parse.
And anyone attacking this woman has no fucking idea what it's like to be female and date in NYC. I thought the piece was brutally honest, if tritely written, and I could definitely relate to it. He seems like a douche. Most of us ladies have been there, liking a douche against our better judgment and getting burned, and feeling worse about getting burned because it's by a douche and we actually care. That whole text he sent her at the end about dating someone else was uncalled for. She doesn't need to know bro, just say it won't work out and move on.
Is it too much to ask for a guy you fuck to call or even email/text after to tell you they had a lovely time, even if they admit that they don't think it should go any further? Somewhere along the line, men like this forgot how to treat women, and because he's "cute" and in some asshat band that's popular, he gets lots of pussy, thus reinforcing his idea that he is somehow worthy of it all. He's not.
Rant over! Dignity gone. Single for life? Who fucking cares.
@Unfun: The Titanic was also known as a dreamboat. Just sayin'.....