Sadly, it's time to resign yourself to the fact that you are no longer in the "coolest place on Earth" (i.e. the desert, watching Prince cover Radiohead), and have returned to one of the lesser-cool places on Earth: your office cubicle. We won't even sugarcoat this: Here's the weekend grosses, straight up.
1. Baby Mama - $18.3 million
Ladies can! Some industry pundits were concerned the sudden ubiquity of Tina Fey could spell disappointment for her latest big screen effort. Audiences, however, proved them wrong, as public interest in the 30 Rock star's useless, T-shaped uterus proved even greater than for Forgetting Sarah Marshall star Jason Segel's lower-case-g-shaped penis.
2. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay - $14.7 million
Doing over twice the opening-weekend business of their first cinematic outing, it's clear that audiences were hungry for the latest adventures of these munchies-afflicted slackers-of-color. Still, the filmmakers' choice to tackle a subject as controversial as homeland security and the war could ultimately affect longer-term grosses, particularly after word gets out about one disturbing sequence in which [spoiler alert!] Neil Patrick Harris waterboards a unicorn in a subterranean Gitmo rendition room, until its waterlogged lungs give out on the mythical creature.
4. Forgetting Sarah Marshall - $11.014 million
A 38% second-week decline, paired with the bitterness-inducing fact that it was nudged out of the #3 position by Michael "Fists of Nickel" Angarano's latest martial arts epic, only further cements the well-reviewed comedy's unblockbuster™ status.
10. Deception - $2.225 million
Still, it's faring quite well compared to this turkey, which, based on our analysis of the one-sheet, is an erotic thriller revolving around an unusual love triangle between Hugh Jackman, Michelle Williams, and the vestigial twin growing out of her neck (played by Ewan McGregor).