As any celebrity knows, the lines dividing fan, superfan, stalker, and murderous stalker are often blurred; one day, you're receiving innocent, screwdriver-and-rock-filled gift bags, card attached reading, "Oh yes, we will be together, you and I. Mark my words," the next you're frantically dialing 911 to report the machete-wielding maniac standing over your bed and screaming something about never having received a thank-you note. Extreme Uma Thurman-enthusiast Jack Jordan, for example—currently on trial for having harassed the actress and her family obsessively for two years—isn't a stalker at all, his lawyer argues. He's merely your garden variety creep:
Jordan, 37, is accused of sending harassing e-mails to Thurman's father and brother, loitering for hours on the steps of Thurman's Manhattan apartment and visiting her trailer on a movie set.
"He loved her and possibly still does. He never wanted to annoy her, threaten her or alarm her," said Jordan's lawyer, George Vomvolakis. "Creepy? Yes. Obsessed? Yes. Criminal? No." [...]
Jordan once gave the 37-year-old actress' personal assistant a package containing a letter, his driver's license, a postcard of the Statute of Liberty and other objects.
"I feel in love with you," the letter said. "I think you should call me up, let me watch you act on the set some more, we should date or move in together, and then get married."
"I gave up describing the contents of my heart to famous women I don't know after Carol Channing broke my heart in the early nineties," he wrote.
Jordan offers vexingly few details regarding his "early nineties" relationship with the Hello, Dolly! star, though by process of elimination, his age of 37 would have to isolate the affair to the 1990s. It's easy enough to see, however, after letting one special and talented lady slip through your fingers, how virtually no efforts would seem too extreme in wooing the next superstar to steal one's heart.