Once upon a time, a junior Yalie named Aleksey Vayner sent a C.V. with a link to a hubristic, ill-advised "video resume" to a Wall Street bank. It featured him lifting weights, doing judo, and spewing truisms about the nature of success. He was mocked, but he followed his own advice: failure is simply not an option. (He wrote a self-help book.) Now he's back on the internets, "helping" us about the "latest trends in hedge funds" and "how to win a street fight." Weird: if you read his advice on winning a street fight correctly, you can also find information on how to survive, say, life in the New York media mob:

The real question is how do you survive a street fight?

Do not fight. Avoid physical confrontation at all cost... ONLY IF the fight is absolutely unavoidable, here are a few other suggestions:

* Do not say a single word. Look directly into the person's eyes while remaining as composed as possible. Take your weight slightly off your heels.

The silence alone might save you while the other guy is thinking why you are so composed, why don't you say a word, you probably know something he does not, you might be a very good fighter etc. Let the silence psyche the person out.

* Do not focus on wining the fight!

If you are focused on winning a fight, and are inexperienced, you will tense up and will not see the dirty moves that are coming your way. Your objective in the fight should be to protect yourself and to get out in the first possible window of opportunity.

We have a lot to look forward to with this blog! Also, Vayner promises to dish in the future: "A few of you also mentioned that I am not as personable in my writing as I am in real life, and that I don't write often enough. I will make sure that some entries are more personal than others."

2:48 PM on Wed Apr 30 2008
By Sheila
6,537 views
40 comments

Comments

bryan472 at 02:53 PM on 04/30/08
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He must've been absent the day they taught the difference between "personable" and "personal" at Yale.
Mediahohoho at 02:56 PM on 04/30/08
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I know it's not his first language and all, but shouldn't an Ivy education confer some skill at English? Anyone?
Nard38 at 02:58 PM on 04/30/08
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He's not real. The "resume" thing started on April Fool's Day in 2006. He's CGI, and his name spelled backwards is "Rapist Yodel."
gringuitico at 02:59 PM on 04/30/08
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I don't know he seems sort of nice....
hamburgerhotdog at 03:00 PM on 04/30/08
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As the daughter of a former Hell's Angel slash almost WWF wrestler, that is the worst advice I have ever heard, and I've never lost a street fight.
downlow at 03:00 PM on 04/30/08
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@Mediahohoho:

And what's up with the hieroglyphics? Is it coded message in Wingdings?
McCheeburger at 03:03 PM on 04/30/08
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@Mediahohoho: What would GWB say?

[www.slate.com]
Smitros at 03:03 PM on 04/30/08
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I don't know about him being a street-fightin' man and all.

I think he would introduce himself as a man of wealth and taste.
hypocriteoath at 03:04 PM on 04/30/08
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this guy clearly has no idea what he is talking about when it comes to fighting on the streets of New Jack City... never trust a guy who works out compulsivley, went to YALE and wears speedos while flexing. Everything you need to know can be learned from GTA IV.
hamburgerhotdog at 03:04 PM on 04/30/08
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I get the feeling he's subjected to more swirlies than bar brawls.
vulturesquadron at 03:09 PM on 04/30/08
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I read his advice and thought "that's almost exactly the advice I would give someone about a street fight".

Then I thought about the fact that I have a few black belts in various disciplines of Japanese martial arts.

Then I looked out down from the window of my plush office at Bryant Park.

Then I thought "Thank God I didn't have a video camera in college."
TheHonJudgeSmails at 03:10 PM on 04/30/08
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They should've put this guy into GTA IV. It would be so satisfying to beat the piss out of him.
Vlad the Impala at 03:10 PM on 04/30/08
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There are some very good Aleksy Vayner anagrams:

A Yank Severely
Anal Every Keys
Salary Eke Envy
Ye Reveals Yank
Leave Ye Snarky
See Knavery Lay
Easy Yank Lever
mitchel_stevens at 03:17 PM on 04/30/08
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I agree with Nard38. He can't be real. He's an elaborate viral campaign for a VH1 reality show nearly three years in the making.
Cory at 03:24 PM on 04/30/08
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I think probably I'll just outsource my streetfighting to the adorable little squirrel pictured in his blog post. It is so adorable! And I can keep it in my coat pocket and sometimes talk to it when I'm lonely!
BalknChain at 03:28 PM on 04/30/08
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@Vlad the Impala: your name is perfect
Ed at 03:37 PM on 04/30/08
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@Vlad the Impala:

Aren't anagrams fun? My full name comes out to "A Dark Lowly Democracy."
Rumpelstilskin at 03:39 PM on 04/30/08
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Does he fight without the speedo's? When and where?
debord at work at 03:47 PM on 04/30/08
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so where's he working now? who took a chance on GENIUS?
Itsjustcatnip at 03:47 PM on 04/30/08
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@Vlad the Impala: You forgot...
Yale Skare Envy
Sneaky Yale Rev
Y Reveal Snakey
BalknChain at 03:49 PM on 04/30/08
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That pic is a whole lotta [h((n)]ot.
It's downright JFPian. We just need an American flag, a Beemer, a fake book wall and vinyl loafers.
Itsjustcatnip at 03:50 PM on 04/30/08
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Oh yeah and,...
Very Yale Snake (or Sneak)

Did I mention I'm supposed to be working?
Itsjustcatnip at 03:50 PM on 04/30/08
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Every Yale Sank
Our Lady of the Massacre at 03:51 PM on 04/30/08
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@hamburgerhotdog: I'd take your dad's advice over this guy's any day, on any topic!
Itsjustcatnip at 03:51 PM on 04/30/08
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Any Kevlar Eyes
Muzzy van Hossmere at 03:54 PM on 04/30/08
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He's even Vayner now than he was junior year.
Itsjustcatnip at 03:58 PM on 04/30/08
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Save Leaky Erny
Itsjustcatnip at 04:10 PM on 04/30/08
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Veal Snarky Eye
Sneaky larv-eye
The Dewd at 04:14 PM on 04/30/08
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Bas Ruten he is not...

DANGADA DANGADA DANG!
if_i_only_had_a_heart at 04:20 PM on 04/30/08
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@gringuitico: and he's totally ripped

the biceps are a little excessive
Bof at 04:43 PM on 04/30/08
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Looking into someones eyes is great for candlelit dinners and all but you probably want to be looking at their hands. Ya know just, in case they decide to get all stabby...
hypocriteoath at 04:47 PM on 04/30/08
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@Bof: also it's hard to see their friend coming at you with a broken bottle in his/her hand. and I can never get my jaw to stop quivering... doesn't look good.
Lucia Toledo at 04:49 PM on 04/30/08
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He's got what Justin Bond calls "a touch of the 'tard"-- meaning (I think), hot in a pitiable way.
Kickstartheart at 10:11 PM on 04/30/08
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"The real question is how do you survive a street fight?"

Easy. Down + down-forward + forward and punch. Repeatedly.
Pope John Peeps II at 11:07 PM on 04/30/08
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@Kickstartheart: Ha! And if you're a big fat guy, you just have to mash the X button really fast.
phlox at 02:04 AM on 05/01/08
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Regardless, he is one hot Eurofuck.
Kickstartheart at 03:47 AM on 05/01/08
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@Pope John Peeps II: Preferably done when they are backed against the wall...of your bath house.
tamoko at 12:30 PM on 05/01/08
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@Kickstartheart: Ah...disrepecting the Peeps?
Kickstartheart at 06:37 PM on 05/01/08
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@tamoko: Uh, no. It's a reference to E. Honda's bath house stage in Street Fighter.
tamoko at 02:11 PM on 05/02/08
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@Kickstartheart: Ah... missed that reference...might have to play that game tonight just to refresh the neurons.