getoffmykoolaidyo!

I like big-titted liars too. I actually put that on my match.com profile.

I got a large number of replies, sadly from a large number of liars.

@VirusWithShoes: Were they lying about the lying or the big-titted-ness?

@VirusWithShoes: who'd of thunk it.

@Nard38: Sometimes both - which actually made them liar-liars, technically speaking. You just don't expect that kind of thing from a dating website.

@valarmorghulis: Hearing that always makes me laugh. Thank you!

I found the following particularly touching. I don't think even E.E. Cummings could have put it in emotional hues of greater delicacy:

"...Peggy Seltzer looks like the kind of white chick who lives to fuck black dudes. It's all there in her weight issues; and the vaguely hoodrat expression on her face (but only to the point where it's kinda cute - not to the point where you wanna slap her); and perhaps most of all, those doorknocker earrings. ..."

"I found my true love on Gawker.com"

@Hamud: The whole article is like a sudden punch to the thorax from a previously friendly neighbour over a disagreement regarding a garden hose.

See also "Seriously, I would never want to be seen in public with Peggy Seltzer, or want people to know that I was banging her - because I'm a shallow bastard, and I care too much what people think about me. But I'm not gonna lie: I popped a little bit of a rod when I saw that picture of her on Harry Allen's site, with that plain white t-shirt (how hood is that?) straining to contain those humongous cans of her."

Can we get this guy to start commenting here? He'd fit right in.

All stacked women are liars; I am a stacked woman.

not

@Virus

I think this is one of those magical situations in which everyone comes off extremely well.

It very much reminds me of those waggish and elegant British drawing-room comedies of the 1930s in which everyone was dressed to the nines and fully armed with a glass of champagne and the most fabulously uproarious mots justes.

There's something tremendously sexy about that combination of wit, style, and intelligence, and somehow Seltzer and Crawford manage brilliantly to capture that quality.

I thought those were hoop earrings. Aren't doorknockers a different style? Moff?

Anyway, who's looking at the earrings?

@Hamud:

SIR GEOFFREY

Why, Adams, you old dog, you - come closer, dear boy. I simply must declare my undying adoration of that filly Seltzer's marvellous mountains!

ADAMS

I hear the talents she so obviously brings are done a disservice by her penchant for lily-gilding, Sir.

SIR GEOFFREY

Indeed, my boy. But it is said amongst no finer crowd than this, that baby may have back - if not front, Adams. Thoughts?

ADAMS

I have heard the same whispers in the self-same corridors, Sir. She undoubtedly has a fine rack, although - if I may speak somewhat out of turn - it appears that she will not be going back after reportedly getting some black.

SIR GEOFFREY

Ah, what a damned shame. My darling Cressida went through the exact same thing in the Congo. Last time I saw her, she was waving goodbye from the back of an elephant, naked as the day I met her. Ah well - I guess it's off to war, then?

ADAMS

Indeed!

SIR GEOFFREY

I meant for you, not me. Of course.

ADAMS

Of course, Sir. Wouldn't dream of it any other way. (EXITS)

if it is true that attraction to large breasted women is inversely proportional to intelligence I'm a genius.

I have knockers. I have a 161 IQ. Fuck you people. You (women especially) just want us endowed women to be dumb, hence the snideness. Explain Jewesses to me, then. Most of them got big ol knockers. hamhocks, too. I don't have the hamhocks cause I, uh, run eight miles a day. But i also read and do all that shit.
I got a blonde haired blue eyes daughter who, if luck will have it, will get my knockers and her father's brains (a genetic engineer-slash-lawyer). Can't wait to see how the world prejudges her.

hey--what is "seltzer" anyway? What is she? uh...German?

@lizzybennett:

I remember researching that very issue waaay back when the story first broke and I was pretty much convinced that she was one of my people. Or, as Lizzy would seem to have it, a "Jewess."

@VirusWithShoes:

You are more adorable than a baby rhino made of sunshine!

@lizzybennett: Some of us love our average-sized breastesses. Don't knock ladies of small-tittied frame. We sisters, both large-breasted and small, must all stand together to take over the world from the be-penised when the time comes.

@VirusWithShoes: Mad horny genius you are.

@lizzybennett:
First, you rocket scientist(oh that's a dumb science of only trajectory, my bad), I was only talking about male intelligence(toungue in cheek, whoops, my bad again) in regard to breast size, not the intelligence of well endowded females, and passed no judgement on women. I actually defended the lack of sense these breast comments warranted. A joke, which is yet to be measured on intelligence obviously.
As a male who had spent a good deal of school becoming smart while reading in lockers I was stuffed in for being snarky, I will take my hereforetold intelligence and say "sticks and stones may break my bones but name may never hurt me". But if she sits on me I'll need my inhaler and will call my mommy to call her mommy to whoop her ass.

@Un Chien Andalou: *laughing*@Hamud: @VirusWithShoes: I will expect, nay demand, a jointly written play from you both shortly. Do throw in some Victorian bodice ripping, freshly liberated during a weekend house party style sexual conquests.

@VirusWithShoes:
I believe the Party would be truly remiss if it failed to reward your most effective parody of British imperialism with some token of appreciation.

@Unfun:
I love you and your average sized breastness, your wit, your banter, your yet unsent butt photo. I even love and accept your pugs, but I want you to quit smoking so we can die from pug related asthma in our old age, or salmonella from sex with, well, you know...

@lizzybennett: "I have knockers. I have a 161 IQ. Fuck you people. You (women especially) just want us endowed women to be dumb... Explain Jewesses to me, then. Most of them got big ol knockers. hamhocks, too. ... But i also read and do all that shit...." etc.

This is hilarious. You are impersonating an moron(ess), right? Because the irony in all of that nonsense is approaching Jane Austen levels.

I am trying to imagine all of the brilliant conversations that have begun, "Explain Jewesses to me, then." The mind reels. And then the mind falls down drunk in a puddle of its own sick.

@AndSheSaid: a moron

@VirusWithShoes:
Troilus and Cressida was my favorite, till Bill bought a Camry, everyone has one..

@BalknChain: Ahhh@BalknChain: @rosaluxembourgeoise: @AndSheSaid: @Unfun: ripping off their bodices in concert. I @Un Chien Andalou: pull dueling inhalers from my gunbelt.

@lizzybennett: I'm more into Connectedness Indexes these days. It's not the size of them, but the shape. I quite like a perky 500-odd number, either rounded up or down. More than 600 I find is more than a handful. If it gets over 700, that makes me instantly think of Connectedness Implants, and kinda puts me off them, as I picture them bouncing falsely up and down while commenting on Kotaku or Deadspin for no purpose whatsoever, apart from being noticed.

@Hamud: A baby rhino made of sunshine with a little blue bow tied on its magical horn!

@Unfun: Yes, I am. Although my broadband died on me as I was about to reply.

@BalknChain: I keep pressing him to write a sitcom with me. And he's still playing hard to get.

@rosaluxembourgeoise: Thank you. As a token, can I have Zimbabwe back, as I'm sure I left the gas on.

@Un Chien Andalou: UnChien My Heart

@Un Chien Andalou: I'll quit, with the proper motivation. Perhaps your love will be enough.

If I type bodice should not someone alert Hez?

@Un Chien Andalou: your simple ahh gets me so worked up ;) I have to say I cut my hair today, will you still love me with less?@VirusWithShoes: Press harder! Give him Zimbabwe once you get it back from Rosa. I told you not to thumbwrestle her.

@Un Chien Andalou: Unfun and I discussed this in another post. It involved Cool Whip and jimmies, soooo you in?

@VirusWithShoes: UnBalknChain My Heart
*why can't I italicize? help me!

All I want to know is when we move on from big tits to big penises.

@lizzybennett: I used to have big knockers. I got tired of people thinking I was a slut and talking to my chest so I got rid of them. (no, seriously, they are cute and perky now, and ummm, hai! I'm new!)

Whatever. I've seen life from both sides of the breast and Gawker comments about big titties make me laugh.

@BalknChain: @BalknChain: even if I need hold you from behind in the dark till your bangs grow out. Even if I have to drive to Exit#4 every weekend
aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

+ Watch video

[uk]

+ Watch video

I don't know about calling Crawford "one of the best hip-hop bloggers out there." Maybe only because there aren't many good ones...I like his writing style, but he's kind of a fucking idiot. Shit like:

"After all, if most black men these days are either unemployed or in jail, and most black men these days were raised by black women exclusively, I don't think it takes a Rhodes Scholar to put one and two together."

More blaming women, this time about their portrayal in hip-hop videos:

"Infamous rap industry jizz jar Superhead was featured and had the sheer balls to blame the situation on rappers, rather than herself. As if Ja Rule forced her at gun point to go down on half the jigs in hip-hop[1].

It's worth noting that in many cases, these broads aren't even getting paid to dance half naked in these videos. If you take away the old putting yourself through college defense, then what's left? In that sense, you can hardly blame a guy for seeing a black chick in a club and thinking she might be able to make it clap."

And aside from misogyny and the homophobia you mentioned, there's anti-Semitic shit too, e.g., "Liberal Jew-run piece of shit that it is" referring to the NYT or complaining about the "tall Israelis" running the music business.

I realize that some of it is tongue-in-cheek, but often the points Crawford makes are just dumb.

@lizzybennett:

"Explain Jewesses to me, then."

For the necessary context, I suppose we could start here:

בְּרֵאשִׁית, בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים, אֵת הַשָּׁמַיִם, וְאֵת הָאָרֶץ.

And give sort of a quick gloss on everything up to this point:

וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹהִים, אֶל-אַבְרָהָם, שָׂרַי אִשְׁתְּךָ, לֹא-תִקְרָא אֶת-שְׁמָהּ שָׂרָי: כִּי שָׂרָה, שְׁמָהּ.

If you wanted to be nitpicky and work the whole "covenant" angle, we could skip all the above and reasonably start here:

וְאַחֲרֵי-כֵן נִגְּשׁוּ, כָּל-בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל; וַיְצַוֵּם--אֵת כָּל-אֲשֶׁר דִּבֶּר יְהוָה אִתּוֹ, בְּהַר סִינָי.

It's worth noting that Tziporrah, Mose's wife, who you could regard as the first "Jewess," was in fact a Cushite, or Ethiopian.

I mention this because it clearly demonstrates that Jews and "Jewesses" are not of a single racial, ethnic, or national type.

In other words, some Jewish women have large breasts, some have small ones. Some are dark-skinned, some are fair.

The only stereotype in this regard that holds true is that Jewish men are generally very well-endowed and are fiendishly inventive and enthusiastic fuck-beasts in the sack.

@Un Chien Andalou: Oh, I'm here, honey.
@VirusWithShoes: Well, I'm already at 645 now, so I guess we shall never marry.

@Hamud: ha! so now we move on to big penises

@Hez: @VirusWithShoes: At not even 100 I am relegated to wallflower status, dreaming of my first kiss, losing my braces and wishing my legs were not so long and gawky and all the other boys weren't shorter than me.

Are we even, in fact, certain that the plural is "Jewesses"?

@UnstableMabel: Apparently the only way I'll hit 50 is to drive slowly towards the bright lights. Or grow bigger boobies.

@Hamud: Having a preference for circumcised members myself, I find it also a something of a relief to always know in advance what you're getting.
@UnstableMabel: Oh, that'll change soon enough, Mabes. (Probably nailed it about the number of short guys here, though. Heh. I love teh internets. And you too, short guys!)

@curlyqtips: I just gave you a little connectedness bigger boobie implant, we wallflowers have to stick together (until we make the popular crowd and then it's game on).
@Hez: I grew to love short guys, it was either that or experiment with all the other wallflowers. Then, one magical day, they all caught up.

@UnstableMabel:
Don't despair! Sarah-- Abraham's shortie-- was smokin' well into, and beyond, some might argue, her golden years. While we're on the topic.

@rosaluxembourgeoise: I couldn't be tolerating any Hagars.

@UnstableMabel:
See, that's the kind of hard core shit Peggy Seltzer's talking about.

@Hamud:
so she's intelligent with big knockers? Or not? is that anti-Semitic? Or complimentary? It's okay to say it if my mom was born Jewish but brought up catholic (WWII Italy and all, as in, in a convent) , or it's not okay for me to say but for other Jewish --or just Jewesses--to say??? I mean, I get so confused where steretyping begins and witty generalization begins...

@Hamud:
"osay, eoplepay ancay akemay okesjay outbay argelay reatstedwoemnbay nday atsthey ayokay , utbay eneralizinggay argelay reastedbay omenway yabay ulturecay (ayieay talianIay) roay eliogionray siay otnay? miay ustjay ryingtay otay etgay aay andlehay noay histay...

so, people can make jokes about large breasted women being stupid and that's okay, but generalizing large breasted women by culture (I.e Italian) or religion is not? I'm just trying to get a handle on this...

@Hamud:
and not all Jewish man are all that inventive. I mean, seriously: missionay, doggie style, missionary with legs together instead of apart, repeat. You can get that in Cosmo.
CHRIST.
(A Lutheran boy introduced me to THAT position.)

@lizzybennett: I think you might be missing the point, unless it's me - are you posting from a time machine? Who uses the word "Jewess"? I have never heard that word used outside of a movie in my entire life.
If your intention is to be shocking / funny, then your post at 1:44 might have said something like "generalizing...women by culture (i.e. Wops)..."
Do you use the word "Jewess" in everyday conversation? Where on EARTH do you live? Please stop it, it's dreadful.
Also, there are more than three sexual positions. Dear girl.

@lizzybennett:

"It's okay to say it if my mom was born Jewish but brought up catholic (WWII Italy and all, as in, in a convent)..."

Between your parentheses hides a world of sorrow.

Strangely enough, two cookbooks give the most vivid account of that world, Edda Servi Machlin's The Classic Cuisine of the Italian Jews: Traditional Recipes and Menus and a Memoir of a Vanished Way of Life and Classic Italian Jewish Cooking: Traditional Recipes and Menus.

Perhaps you already know a great deal about the context of your mother's experience. If not, those two books are excellent places to start, and the food you can make from the recipes is fantastic.

About "Jewess"...

Like "negress," it has associations with the gender-specific terms for animals: sow, hen, mare, bitch, etc.

We try to avoid that nowadays by simply saying "a Jewish woman."

@Hamud: That last bit, to lizzybennet, was breathtakingly pithy, compassionate and yet rapier sharp. Damn.