Gawker
If everyone's getting a book deal for their blog, why aren't you? Mostly because your writing hasn't gone anywhere better than a Gawker comment thread, but also because you haven't followed these three steps (note: not a joke article! Real advice inside) to getting a blog book deal. Short version: Start a blog that's short and sweet and high-concept, spread it on Tumblr and LiveJournal, send it to Gawker, and call Kate Lee.
1. Start the right kind of blog.
Your personal blog isn't good enough. Book deals for personal, story-telling blogs fizzled out a few years ago. There's just too much research for the publisher and no guarantee of mass appeal. The latest book deals look more like movie deals: A conceptual hook will draw people in even if some of the jokes fall flat. There are three kinds of blogs that recently got deals:
A. Whimsical Recognizable Aspects Of Everyday Life
Examples: Stuff White People Like, Postcards From Yo Momma
Likable, easy-to-understand blogs with a regular format. The title explains the whole concept. Make an idea you can explain in one short sentence. It's easy to market, easy to remember, easy to get blogged.
Suggestions: Ideas I Had In The Shower; Things My Kids Said
B. Unique Life Story That's Actually Many Short Stories
Example: The Secret Diary Of Steve Jobs
This is very tough, and I don't personally recommend it. You must either be a famous or extraordinary person or impersonate one. But you have to be a great writer too — there are two sites full of terrible spoof blogs.
Suggestions: Fake Obama; How I Was Actually Raised By Wolves
C. Tiny Works Of Art
Examples: Indexed, Barack Obama Is Your New Bicycle, I Can Has Cheezburger
The perfect grist for a coffee-table or "tiny" book. "Indexed" is just little jokes in the form of graphs, "Cheezburger" is of course photos with captions, and "Obama" is simply random slogans about how much the presidential candidate is a cool guy, kind of like "Chuck Norris Facts" (which also got a book deal). Again, stick to one format and fully explore it. If doing the same thing over and over wasn't a path to success, you'd never hear of Jackson Pollock or Dilbert.
Suggestions:
2. Discover yourself.
After a couple of weeks, you should have enough material to start spreading your blog around. Don't just wait to get discovered, but don't overmarket yourself. Put a copy of your blog on Tumblr and LiveJournal for readers that wouldn't otherwise follow you. (Since I started reading Tumblr blogs I find myself checking other blogs less.) Start following other people on those sites, which is less crass than commenting on normal blogs and putting your URL in your signature.
If your blog catches on there, you can start submitting to bigger blogs. But you might want to have a friend do it. I have a few regular tipsters who point me to good blogs by their friends. I'm more likely to follow their leads than someone self-promoting. Still, a well-written e-mail to Gawker's tipline might get you a mention. Same goes for Boing Boing. By that point linkbloggers like Jason Kottke and Rex Sorgatz will notice you if you're worthy.
If you do self-promote and no one picks it up, start over. (If you're reading this article, you're not in it for the love.)
Meanwhile back on your blog, don't stop writing. I stupidly gave up on my blog Bad Idea A Day just when people started to notice it. Now I'm restarting and I have to earn my readership from scratch. Also, have an about page so you're ready for Step 3.
3. Ask to meet an agent.
If your idea is wildly successful but no agent has called, find Kate Lee. The agent (who doesn't have an easily googleable home page) was profiled in the New Yorker in 2004 when blog book deals were still novel. Though Gawker didn't think the trend would stick, Lee kept selling blogger books. Last year she sold blogger Rachel Sklar's Jew-ish; this week she sold Postcards From Yo Momma, written by Jessica Grose of Jezebel and Gawker alum Doree Shafrir.
Of course you could talk to other agents; White People was sold by William Morris's Erin Malone.
So did it work? If not, try again. If so, go to hell you lucky bastard. I'll be spitting at you during your reading, next to the guy from White Whine.
Comments
My best friend is now going through the blog book-deal thing. Her blog is really quite popular and it's been interesting to see how all of this works.
Just today they went through the whole "foreign rights" thing. So happy for her.
If you can write this kind of item about it, though, is it over already?
I'm totally going to get a deal for my book based on my blog about blogs that were too stupid to ever be considered for a book deal.
Also, I'm talking to an agent next week about doing something with my blog composed entirely of award-winning fiction passages on which the copyright has expired.
All this advice on how to get a book deal! From someone that's never actually had one!
Step 4: Change the title font of your posts back.
Step 5: Profit.
@Tnuc: Hey. I give people advice all the time on how to fuck off and die, and I think it's pretty sound. So there's that.
The real question: when will the first commenter get his/her book? I know, I know... never [sigh].
@moff: Fuck off and die!
(is that ok? am i doing it right? i followed the 10 step programme you emailed me, right up to and beyond Step 9: "Poisoning Yoghurt")
As you can see, I've got down pat Step 7: "Lower-case In Parenthesis For No Reason At All"
@LoveHandles: I've got a book! Don't give up hope, not now!
@VirusWithShoes: Okay - it is my book, but written by someone else.
But I do own it, and I'm not giving it to anybody else. Hah!
Fuck my blog; can I get a book deal for my cat?
@VirusWithShoes: That was good, except that your U.K. spellings are so stupid. Yoghurt? More like my eyes hurt.
("Unnecessary Put-downs" is the Appendix A I forgot to send you.)
"Bad Idea of the Day" is a really good book idea. And not a bad idea for a half-hour series for syndication by the folks who bring us "Dirty Jobs." Srsly.
@Tammany_Fall: Probably not - it'a all pugs, pugs, pugs these days.
Unless your cat can ghost-write for a pug?
@LoveHandles, VirusWithShoes: I've got one, too! It's called All the Sad, Young Commie-less Commenters (in stores Summer/08 from Acura TSX Publications).
@Tammany_Fall: Have your cat start a blog.
@moff: We call ice-cream "daisy-dewdrop" over here. And cigarettes "rapists".
@Hez: I hope it's filled with pictures. And wipes clean, easily.
"Not as crass as commenting?"
Why don't you suck a fuck you fucking fucksucker?
@VirusWithShoes: Got a problem with pugs? I'll sick my two on you if you're not careful. The most they would do is jump on your lap and, in the process, step on your balls. Then they'd lick you to death.
Things My Kids Said While I Was In the Shower
@Hez: @VirusWithShoes: I hope it's antibacterial.
@Tammany_Fall: Fuck your cat, and get a book to blog it!
kate lee's probably moved on to twitter book deals
@Hez: Coming soon! The Weekend Blogger: Battlestar, Old Videos From the 80's, and Cheesecake Shots with Little or No Context. Me haz riches!
I remember when all the zine people were getting book deals. The challenge, of course, is to get more than one.
@LoveHandles: Nice Tits of Gawker Commenters: The Blog. Will profile the choicest tits of Gawker Commenters. Sequel will involve weens of (hopefully) male commenters.
I win!
For a summer publishing course short answer question, I wrote about how a popular Texas blog could become an awesome tiny book. My application was rejected. Fools!
@Unfun: No problem at all with pugs, honey. I'm just saying they're getting all the big deals at the moment, and cats are getting shown the kitty-door as soon as they enter the editor's office.
Saying that - pugs better cash in while they can. Remember the big Labrador deals of 2004? Or 2005's Kitten-fever?
@ian spiegelman: I'd buy that for a dollar!
@VirusWithShoes: Laughing now, laughing very hard.
@VirusWithShoes:
Why can't giving up hope be lucrative?
Whimsical Desperate Aspects of Everyday Life:
Fits of Weeping at Bus Stops
Bleeding in the Shower
Finding Crumbs on my Desk and Don't Remember Eating There
Being Ignored by Dogs You Try to Pet
Going Alone to Polish Art Films
@Unfun: Gawker Cocker: Uncut (and Cut)
@Unfun: Doesn't that mean we have to start posting them here before the book? You first!
@VirusWithShoes: Gawker Cocker hahaha! You always make my ideas better. For that I love and hate you equally.
@LoveHandles: It's a matter of time before I do just that during a particularly debauched drunken FNFF. Hez has come close.
@SarahHeartburn: Ha!
Things I Should Tell My Cats, But Don't
Thoughts On Air
The Poetry Of Spilling Rice
Heartstopping Beauties I'd Never Have The Guts To Even Say Hello To
Things I Hide At The Back Of My Sock Drawer
Sexual Fantasies That Would Get Me Fired Almost Instantly From Anywhere
Injured Donkeys, And Other Things Men Cry About When No-one Is Looking
@moff: @VirusWithShoes: Fuck Off and Die!
Debuting now, a daily blog (compiled and published in paperback spring 2009) devoted to everyone and everything that should simply fuck off and die already.
@SarahHeartburn: I have so many to contribute:
Watching TV because the voices assuage your loneliness.
Forgetting the last time you exposed yourself to someone on purpose.
Being on match.com. Still.
"You're engaged! I'm so happy for you!" (cries in bathroom)
(I don't do any of these, I'm just creative.)
@SarahHeartburn: I Rotate My Silverware So That the Other Seven Forks, Knives and Spoons Don't Feel Left Out
My writing hasn't gone anywhere better than a Gawker comment thread? I'm going to get a book deal for my bitter comments on gawker. And one for my pug. And one for my cat! And I don't even have a frickin' pug or a cat, so there! I don't want to take your book deal for a blog easy route, Mr. Man. Some of us like a challenge.
@Unfun: OOO! I'm creative, too.
"You graduated! I'm so happy for you!" (cries in car)
"You got a job! That's wonderful! Go, you!" (scribbles sad poetry on scratch paper)
I notice 1,2 and 3 are all completely harmless topics.
So, you might get a book deal, but you will feel empty.
And after having published "Fuzzy Puppies Saved My Suburban Marriage" they still won't publish your "If Our Culture Had A Head, I'd Rip It Off And Sh*t Down Its Throat"
@Theda_Bara, VirusWithShoes, & Unfun: You people are just trying to bait me... (or is that masturbate to me? Same fun result, I guess.)
@ian spiegelman: Just title it The Murder of Joe Francis and you will sell a BILLION copies on the first day. So that's your future sorted... and your thanks to me should be marquise cut, darling.
@8Millionth: Ha! Yeah - it's the Difficult Second Album Syndrome but with gifs.
@8Millionth: FYI, that was from Full Metal Jacket.
@VirusWithShoes: Actually, I think you're onto something. Set it up (Wordpress.com?) and I'll contribute a few entries.
@Unfun:
Just sold my turtle porn trilogy, Thanks Ian and Nick!
I'm inspired, now all I need to make some book money is a pretentious idea for bored 18-34 year olds to check while they should be working...
@Hez: Yeah, but then I woke up today and realized that, as much as I want to kill Joe Francis, I don't want to be connected to him. And killing someone tends to have that effect. So I'm just going to post on him when he does more evil shit, and not get into a whole thing with him. My name is already linked to enough unsavory shitbags.
@Un Chien Andalou: You know we get ten percent, right? And that's ten percent each.Don't try to lam on us either. Where ya gonna run to anyway? Ain't it Cool? Fark? You don't want that. No one wants that. Let's just keep it friendly.
@ian spiegelman: If you aren't to kill Joe Francis, then please refund the money I sent you.
@ian spiegelman: But... but... I sliced all these orange wedges and made a special trip to buy all this Lime Rickey!
+ Watch video
All good Ian on a clawshake.
Selling ad space like NASCAR. Martha Stewart/Starbuck's on first couple.
@Theda_Bara:
@Hez:
I'm still going to kill him! Geez, who do you think I am? That Neanderthal rapist mongoloid with his tiny Chicklet teeth is totally going to meet his end by my hand--I promise! But I want to figure out the right way to do it. And that takes a little time and planning.
Please, have a little faith? Rapey McScumFuck will perish, and horribly. But I just can't pack it all into one weekend post.
I want it to be something really lovely that you'll all be proud of. And it will be. But I'm trying not to be so very hurried in my vendettas anymore.
Okay?
@ian spiegelman: Oh, I concur; you can't rush a q