Madonna looks old.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: but Patricia Arquette is lookin pretty good.

@valarmorghulis: Off-topic, but so is Alexis.

@valarmorghulis: Yet Tori Spelling looks the same.

Grotesquery blows a smooch.

"I've forgotten which finger, so I'm giving you the Hand."

Codepink Tries Kinder, Gentler Tactics

Sea-hag adapts to dry land. Nation doomed.

"I have finally achieved my lifelong dream -- to look just like Tori Spelling!"

Heinrich Montag Joins Hills Entourage

"Did you say... the blue pill?"

Leathery and Lace

Sand-blasting team ignores forehead.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: touchè

Remote Fellating the Hot New Thing

39 Years Ago, Neil Armstrong Landed on This Forehead

Oktoberfest in Hell

Heidi- badly photoshopped - IRL!!!

Proactive anyone?

I just threw up in my palm a little.

Montag's hearing problems had been kept largely under wraps until a member of the Letterman audience yelled "blow me you witch!"

"It's like a minty-fresh snowstorm IN HELL."

Madonna continues to dress inappropriately for her age.

"Here - If You Get in Close and Look Real Hard, You Can Almost See What's Left of My Soul."

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It'll do magic believe it or not
bippity-boppity-boo

You know, in the right light, after a few drinks, if it had a been awhile since...

No. Still gotta say no.

Montag Thanks Spackling Crew For A Job Well Done

Should really be viewed at least 50 feet away.

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!

I don't care what anyone says, I would hit and enjoy it. Be honest with yourselves...you would too!

14 minutes, 58 seconds and counting.

Montag Cools Pratt's Testicles

...very upset Jaws 3D glasses were shite, but Montag could lick my face.

"Back, devilbird! Get back I say!"

@GettinSome: Yes, in that bikini!

@GettinSome: Take a look at that ass on the cover of Rolling Stone. No one would disagree with you.

"I got yer two bits right here."

@GettinSome: provided she didn't speak, yes.

If wearing 3 shirts is cool, than consider me Miles Davis.

"What was that invisible pocket elf? Everyone thinks I'm awesome? Yeah, I know."

@JinxyMcDeath: [data.tumblr.com]

invisible cock-n-balls

"I have herpes so I am just going to blow you a kiss, ok?!"

verrückt

"You, sir, I'll blow from here. Whoooooooooosh!"

Montag. Ew.

@In Other News...:

Blow²

Malibu Barbie Shows Signature Move At This Year's AVN Awards

Sarah Jessica Parker Sex Doll Not As Sexy As Purchaser Had Hoped

To Stay On Her Diet, Heidi Montag Sometimes 'Eats' An Invisible Slice Of Pizza

The Hills Are Alive...On My Forehead.

Industrious Heidi Montag Spits On Hands, Gets Down To Work At Being A Total Idiot

Is that hair real, or was it carefully lowered into place by the construction department?