lowlights magazine, death, details, porn, prophecies, the hills

Is This Porn, Or Just The Hills?

Is this woman having an orgasm, or simply on The Hills? That is the question of the day on the Details (a gentleman-on-gentleman's monthly) and GQ (same, basically) website. They've taken a smattering of extreme facial expression close ups from the sun-soaked MTV reality "smash" (sometimes that's what the Brits call a car wreck), and interspersed some regular old porno o-faces. Can you tell the difference between Hills-face and o-face? Take the test here. It's not really that hard, though, because (for me at least) those braying idiots have seared their visages into my memory forever. One day, when I am old and gray and hopefully in the glorious denouement of a serious horse tranquilizer addiction, I imagine that I'll see a bright flash of Whitney Port's bovine face and will immediately feel the mild warmth of an indifferent God and shuffle off this broken, mortal coil. I don't want to experience this alone, so please take the test over and over again until they are a part of you, too.

1:00 PM on Thu May 1 2008
By Richard
5,615 views
16 comments

Comments

corporatedrone at 01:08 PM on 05/01/08
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Denouement is a sadly underused word. So bravo. That is all.
mathnet at 01:08 PM on 05/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 581

OMG-face
depardoo at 01:12 PM on 05/01/08
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A "smattering of extreme facial expression close ups". Hah, good one, Richard.

And don't worry, you won't shuffle off alone - you've got a roommate!
hamburgerhotdog at 01:25 PM on 05/01/08
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The only orgasm these women will ever have will come in a shotglass.
VirusWithShoes at 01:26 PM on 05/01/08
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Strangely enough - my "O-face" and my "alone-face" usually occur at the same time.
Bloo_Kazoo at 01:29 PM on 05/01/08
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What's the difference between Porn and The Hills? You can come back from starring in porn.
arguablythemostfamous at 01:34 PM on 05/01/08
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it's really tempting to draw a dick in her mouth. am I immature?
BalknChain at 01:34 PM on 05/01/08
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Can we have an MS Paint style feature so we can doodle on pics like that?
BalknChain at 01:34 PM on 05/01/08
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@arguablythemostfamous: ha!
Spirit Fingers at 01:47 PM on 05/01/08
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Can I see the squishy, crumple face Whitney made when she plotzed on her ass during that Good Morning America fashion show again? Now, that's a classic O-face.
Phipsidude at 01:55 PM on 05/01/08
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Anyone notice that most of the guys who were "porn," were from gay porn. What does that say about GQ???!?!? Oh wait, and me? Crap.
vulturesquadron at 01:58 PM on 05/01/08
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Richard, I think your dying moment will be more like the cast of The Hills tearing your flesh to pieces while the voiceover of your spirit guide repeats: "They are only an illusion. Keep perfectly still and focus on a single point. If you succumb to their distractions, you will be reborn inside your television."
Kittenish at 02:24 PM on 05/01/08
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@hamburgerhotdog: That goes for the "Blowjob" too, I'll bet.
DonPardoCalrissian at 02:40 PM on 05/01/08
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Is "Justin Bobby" really the name of a person on my planet?

ps-My planet is the Earth planet.
arguablythemostfamous at 03:59 PM on 05/01/08
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@DonPardoCalrissian: It's no longer your planet. it's Lauren Conrad's planet. And Justin-Bobby is an enemy occupant.
youtalkwaytoomuch at 07:40 PM on 05/01/08
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It's sad I instantly recognize that as L.C. And I never even watched that show where she was in high school. My only exposure has been a couple of Hills eps. And yet she is already ingrained in my mind's eye. Shudder.