It's time to salute David Letterman, who continues to do a great service for us, the non-Hills watcher with only a vague idea of what the hell's going on with that inexplicably popular program. Thanks to the Reality TV Catfight Reform Act of 2007, Heidi Montag was granted equal Late Show broadcast time to that of Lauren Conrad, whereupon she too was grilled by Dave on the ins and outs of their feud. Apparently, the MacGuffin propelling much of this season's warfare was a much-discussed, but yet-to-surface sex tape starring Conrad and her former lover.
In total fairness, we think it's now time to hear the men's side of the story, at which point we think we'll have all the evidence required to adequately draw our conclusions: That means not only an appearance by Montag's oily albino fiancé Spencer Pratt, but also Conrad's beer-bloated, recidivist ex-boyfriend, Jason Wahler. (From his MySpace profile: "Jason Wahler®'s Interests: girls, baseball, basketball, hockey, surfing, skim boardin, music, chillin, watching tv, partys. Like i said typical guy.")