Better singers?

That would be too easy. Or maybe impossible... I don't know which.

Just kill them all.

The answer is always "monkeys." Preferably blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered rockets.

Screw monkeys. Monkees. Let's go back to the source for market-tested crap.

Although not a fan of video games myself, giving one lucky audience member the chance to pimp slap and then frag the losing contestant might help.

As for Paula? The only thing keeping her from an assisted living facility is either the kindness of strangers, or the most amazing cooch in Hollywood.

MONKEY JUDGES! Eventually they'll pick Shakespeare.

Turn it into a talent competition of puppies jumping over rainbows, hosted by David Archuleta and judged by Danny Noriega.

Jeebis, Paula is the main reason I watch the show, it's like Sigmund and Freud, I mean, Roy, or auto racing -- you're always want to see if the bad thing is going to happen this time.

There is only one solution.

Replace Paula with Mike O'Malley and institute American Idol Guts: a challenging, multi-stage obstacle course, culminating with a themed musical performance from atop the Aggro Crag (from which losers are thrown to their deaths).

Fox executives? You're welcome. And I prefer to be paid in Euros.

This was also the one damned episode I missed this season.

Paula was just trying to emulate Lost's flash-forward formula.

Make them all live together in a house. And instead of singing have them pose for pictures. And instead of Paula there should be a noted fashion photographer.

Two words: Dunkleman.

e) All of the above. (I take that back. I actually like Ryan on this show. Unless you replace him with a monkey.)

I'm rooting for comet strike.

It's as if for one moment, something happened and all of the substances in Paula's body exploded in a force field of magnetism...and people actually noticed! For one brief second there! Just. like. Lost. Kneeewwww it.

@ contradicto

comment perfection.

I think Paula said what she said to punish the producers for messing with the format on the fly.

Message: Don't mess with the talent! They can hurt you!

Paula Abdul is the ONLY reason to watch American Idol. It's all about the Gays and Paula. When my roommates and I sit down to watch with our cocktails, WE'RE TRYING TO CATCH UP TO PAULA. Have you ever played an American Idol drinking game? You really, really should. Seacrest Out!
[l.yimg.com]

@dweeb: Brilliant.

Get rid of Paula. She may be entertaining but she also makes it all the more ridiculous. Hell, get rid of all of the judges and start over. Simon is just a miserable little bitch.

Take the whole thing off the air for a year, so that it might also seem more like an event.

I don't think getting rid of Ryan will help. He's too integral to the show. I do think something about the format needs to be changed. Bring back the wildcards, and if Paula needs to be replaced, do away with the mentors and bring back a revolving panel of guest judges.

I think the show needs to be unexpected again. 'Upset' eliminations aren't enough.

Paula negged the shit out of those kids.

Who actually tunes in to see a sober and sane Paula? No one expects her to be lucid...its kind of like your grandmother calling you by your cousin's name...you don't get pissed...you just think, "well, grandma must be sleepy and old." Besides, this is free press for a karaoke show that has sucked ass for the past several years. Now people WILL watch just to see if she passes out during the show or takes her top off.

I'm still waiting for Simon to stop holding back and call a queen a queen! C'mon Simon, bitch-slap Ryan across the stage. Stop taking his verbal abuse and him have it!

It should be hosted by Marc Summers and the losers get covered in slime. Just make sure Burt Reynolds is never a judge.

Monkeys will add a welcome dash of levity to any tense proceedings.

I think it needs more nudity.