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It's safe to say that every celebrity, even Artie Lange, has their fair share of fans with crushes on them. But when the celebrity in question happens to be the Amazonian Tarantino muse Uma Thurman, this group of lovey-dovey fans will naturally include at least a few nutcases. Enter Jack Jordan, the soft-spoken schizo whose stalking enterprise we filled you in on earlier this week. But today, on the third day of his trial in New York, the actress finally took the stand herself to deliver her testimony. As the NY Times reports, Thurman began by describing a card Jordan had delivered to her trailer while she was filming My Super Ex-Girlfriend:

On the front was a dreamy pastel store-bought image of a small blonde girl, a spray of pink flowers and a dove...On the back was a crude pen and ink drawing of a male stick figure walking off the edge of an Acme razor blade into an open grave.

But Jordan's doodles came with thought balloons! And fragmented romantic dialogue! More after the jump:

Though the years-old note had faded a bit, Thurman nervously recited the still-visible words attributed to the stick figure Jordan had drawn to represent her: "'Tee-hee." She continued with the spiral inscription, "'Chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing...' And then I saw this part: 'My hand should be on your body." Which was apparently when the alarm bells went off. And yet, the most disturbing part of the Times' report involves their borderline mean description of Uma's appearance: "haggard, pared-down...her golden hair was carelessly knotted...she wore no makeup and looked thin and hollow-eyed." How dare she! Apparently all celebrities should don designer duds and get their hair did a la J. Lo circa Diddy's gun scandal. We apologize to the Times on Thurman's behalf for not prepping red carpet-style for this "event."