I think the Gawker consensus was the calamari line has something to do with Sarah Jessica Parker.

I thought BranWynn was that Las Vegas cereal.

Well, yes, thank you for clearing that up, Branwyn, but you didn't answer our original question:

What depraved sexual act did you engage in with Dunkin' Donuts Girl?

I will enjoy my corned beef hash, thank you very much.

Hmmm, have always wanted to have sex with identical twins...

So now we know he's just a shitty (ha ha!) writer

I think I'm in love but it makes me kind of frightened to say so.Think I'm in love.

What are his thoughts on "Shucking the Oyster" and "Throwing a Clam Bake?"

Well, I guess my day-old crush just ended.

He's like the younger, tighter T-shirt-wearing Rufus Humphrey.

So did he bake an upside down pineapple cake with his date, or not?

Just last night I enjoyed "squeezing the eel."

@collegecallgirl: He looks like Adrian Brody with gay face.

In other words he looks like Adrian Brody.

Fried clamari always hits my spot.

Thrust...hehehehe.

Again, plenty of reason to stay away from the Nerve personals. Yech.

Can he make his allusions a wee bit more obscure so nobody gets them except his brother?

Say, does Long John Silver's deliver?
So to speak, of course.

[If so, I'll take a Super treasure chest with sides of cole slaw, hushpuppies and Corn Cobettes. With extra butter. And some condoms.]

Oh, donnez-moi un break already!

I prefer bangers to calamari, myself.

Sometimes a squid is just a squid.

The best line was the TV dinner line.

Braywyn and Aston!?!? Are their parents serious about that??

@Richard: Its Welsh.

"...I find it highly ironic that after writing a much attacked diatribe on 'snark' I've fallen victim to one of it's greatest bastions.. Gawker. I think the most annoying comment was the guy that called my writing inane and my punctuation incorrect."

Hmm. The grammar could use some work too, no?

Mmmmm cobbler.

Branwyn? More like BranLOSE!!!1! (looking around for high-fives and finding none)

Step away from the apostrophes, man---ur doin it rong.

@ragepotato: *Thwack*!!

I got your back...!

I went home, though, and my wife and I found like six really twisted things to do with fried calamari. You single people are boring.

He's fugly as hell but for some reason I am also strangely attracted to him -- fish or no fish. Or is calamari a crustacean ?

How can you post a picture of yourself like that, write publicly about your dates, and not expect snark? And what is a diatribe against snark, anyway, but snark with all the fun taken out of it?

I munched on some of ol' seafood salad yesterday, so to speak, if you know what I meant, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.

Which means ... um, I had a seafood salad sandwich for lunch. I really like seafood salad.

His shirt says boogers, right?

Asses in the Salisbury Steak? Toe in the cobbler? THE RESTAURANT HE IS SPEAKING OF NEEDS A VISIT FROM THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT. PRONTO.

This man has a thing about depraved, obscure sexual gymnastics and food.

On the other hand, his restaurant would be a lot more interesting than the Hard Rock Cafe.

It's so true, right? About the implements of danger? My god ... so true.

i think he ph34rz teh p33n

@Knucklehead Babylon: That's really rude. The proper way to say it is, "It's Indian giver."

@4Cats: So to speak, that is.

Branwyn? Girl's name. "Legendary Heroine, white raven"

@Knucklehead Babylon: Like that's an excuse?

@ragepotato:

Branlose.

Can't stop laughing.

When I asked the waiter for a hot beef sandwich, he brought over the maitre'd and the key to the staff room! Mmmm ... sandwichy (so to speak).

Eat me gawker. Following little boys around getting their date info.

@Aph: Wait, what are you implying by "eat me gawker"? Does it have something to do with Denton? We'll have to assume, yes, yes it does.

@ragepotato & whoneedslight: Yeah, that was awesome. Well done.

@Aph: 1) He is not that little. 2) Date info posted on a blog at nerve.com-not particularly discreet 3) He fucks tiny, adorable squids! Where is your sense of decency?

@City_Dater: The Nerve personal are full of the most pompous, pseudo-intellectual douchebags. At least on Lavalife you know what you're getting - a bunch of ex-cons who wear Joey Buttafucco pants and live in Queens.

But then, I'm dating a guy I met on Nerve. So what do I know?

@tracyflick: You mean I should be dating on Lavalife?

So, that whole Calamari thing was irony-free?

Are they from California?

@Koreanish: Lavalife is one scary place for online daters. It's a step above Craigslist, cock shots included. The guys are all using scanned photos from 1999 and say things like "I want to lick you for hours" in their IM's. Nerve is were all the people who think they are artists and think they are creative go to feel superior. Probably because the guys on Match or Lavalife gave them wedgies in gym class or shoved them into lockers. Really, it's just where broke artist types go. Case in point? Adrien Brody Lite up there.

Okay, this idiot really does not know the difference between a "euphemism" and a "metaphor"

Hi, my name's Branwyn and this is my identical twin brother Ansley. Will you have sex with us?

Decaffeinated Adrien Brody!

@bytememehard: Whoops. Turns out he actually is Welsh. So much for that abortion of a joke.

@Pope John Peeps II: He shouldn't attempt ephemisms or metaphors, so to speak.

@tracyflick: For nerve don't forget "compulsive liar's club" and "borderline personality syndrome grotto".

@EleanorRigby: Actually they are triplets but Twatfrydd had choir-practice when they made the movie.

Can I take the name Branwyn Lancourt, or did he copyright it?

These anti-Zeitgeisty threads are like proof that the Gawker Gods HAVE been listening to my silent plea for mercy after all!

Interesting tidbit: Whenever one takes to dissing Mr. Bran on the Nerve blog, he'll maaaagically respond super-quickly using one of his many fictional user accounts.

Oh, and spell-check? (...be damned!)

xoxox

Yet another former blog-a-logger who's just jealous of the coverage.