R.I.P. Unfun. :(

Only McCheeburger makes sense.

This is far more violent and shocking than any video game.

@Mr. Jack Ketch:
Yes sire.
*bows (away from the chopping block, but toward the Great Hooded One)*

We understand.

I would think alluding to Unicorns or the U. of Korn would be reason enough for an execution.
But, in the mean time, because you say so is good enough for me.

Don't get cocky, or Jack get choppy!

Hez?!!? Can't you take me instead?

HEZ! HEZ!

@moff: I know, right?
Where are we gonna get our Canandian Bikini Boobies now????

I hope Jack's Gmail account has enough storage for all the boob shots he's going to be getting from Hez.

The unpredictability and fear makes this a religious event. We'll all be offering sacrifices and performing non-sensical rituals to relieve our anxiety in another week or so. A few weeks after that we'll be handing over our PIN numbers and, once our accounts have been cleaned out, with nothing left to give, we'll happily partake of the sticky sweetness, the bee-buzzingness of Kool-Aid...

@ExecutiveIntern: Seriously. As a long-time lurker and only short-time commenter, I'd like to bare my neck to spare Hez this surely undeserved fate. And if ExecutiveIntern takes Hez's place, I also volunteer to sacrifice myself for Unfun.

@MyCubeHas3Sides: Ha! Clearly she has left us all the same legacy.

@Astigmatism @ExecutiveIntern: that's beautiful, you guys.

@ExecutiveIntern & Astigmatism: I volunteer Smails. I know that's what he'd want.

@moff: I thought Smails wanted to go down for McCheeburger.

Nobody is safe - neither the finest among us, nor the grossest offenders.

@Astigmatism: Hah!

Reading through some of the recent comments of the recently departed, there seems to be a common thread, a breezy, carefree sense that doom was not, in fact, hovering just above them like a stinking cloud of Paris Hilton's Heiress. This is yet another reminder that life is a fleeting and precious gift. I shall get wasted and maybe laid tonight!

@NeverEnough: I know! Not UNFUN!!! Now who will I defend the labia'd with?

Once again, I escape. Thanks be to Mr. Ketch. Beef and ale this afternoon, and then perhaps a turn at the Publik Haus.

Poor Unfun. He/She/It was just too beautiful for this ugly world.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: You spell "handsome-est" funny. I assume this is because you're not an Eton man. My father warned me not to trust you.

@ginger rant: Also, Virus with Shoes is going to be very upset. Maybe he can go get her -- like Orpheus or something.

@lawyergay: I think there was another common thread as well.

@moff: I never told you not to trust me, son.

@Astigmatism & TheHonJudgeSmails: Remember when McCheeburger said "butt buddies"? Heh. Whoa. Man, we had some crazy times with that guy.

@Helman: Ooh! I loves me some Virus with Shoes! Maybe she/he/it will join the Vadge Defenders with me. (What about you, Hel[wo?]man--you in?)

@moff: Guy was a total loose cannon and occasionally insane. But that was one of the most hilarious Gawker thread experiences of my life. So it wasn't a total loss.

@moff: @TheHonJudgeSmails: That was quite an odd fight you guys had.

@moff: @TheHonJudgeSmails: I bet that Sean Bell thread is going to be the setting for Final Destination 4.

WTF?

@ginger rant: I could certainly never replace Unfun, but I got your back.

I am not pleased about this.

Some of these people were my friends. And they did not deserve to die.

Mr. Ketch, I demand that provide us with an explanation for some of these killings. What, for example, did Binky's Dream ever do to deserve to die? Explain yourself, sir!!

@VirusWithShoes: Apparently, never. (I'm assuming you mean "When's The Fucking?")

@TheHonJudgeSmails & Helman: Yeah, I never thought I'd say I was going to miss him, and I'm still pretty sure I'm not going to say it.

@Bell County: Easily one of the most provocative and entertaining threads of the year, all for reasons that had nothing to do with Sean Bell.

@VirusWithShoes: We've been waiting for you. NOW they'll see.@MisterHippity: I agree. There will be blood. Or at least, a lot of snot.

Wow, is all I can say. By the way will this effect my connectedness index?

@MisterHippity: That really sucks about Binky, too. AndSheSaid is not going to be happy.

@MisterHippity:
I'm sad about Hez and Unfun.

Hez calls for a blackout re: Gawker's darling, and then he gets the axe...

Coincidence, or, um...not?

@belltolls: Absolutely. Now you're connected with bona fide martyrs. That's got to add on some points.

@belltolls: Wow, just wow, is what I was thinking too.

@Tea Em Gee Eff: ZOMG! Are you saying Ketch is JA?

@meerkat: And it sucks about Unfun. And Digitalsmoothie, although I'm not sure I remember him or her. But everybody except for McCheeburger, really.

@MisterHippity: i admire your sand, sir

(not really, jack).

I'm really pretty fucking confused now. A lot of these commenters keep threads that would normally die going. A lot of them provide the funnies, the witties and the shitties that keep me, for one, coming back here.

I'm kinda speechless.

I guess if Mr. Ketch's feeling like it is now grounds for execution, then we can all expect to go sometime soon. Might as well just enjoy our time, and then, when it does come, we can all just get on with our lives. If one can call an existence without commenting privlages a life.

@Tea Em Gee Eff: Hez is a dude?

@PickleTitsTurner: Oh, come on with the maudlin stuff... this has always been arbitrary and capricious. Adds an element of fun!

This is the third week in a row I've lamented the condemned, especially Hez and Unfun.(McCheeseburger can take his fatuous bloviations with him to that humourless circle of hell.)

woo! survived another week!

so two questions:
-when does this turn into battle royale?
-when does takeshi kitano show up to lead us all in exercise?

@BalknChain: @Bell County: Other people have already mentioned that Ketch seems to be writing in a different style each week. @VirusWithShoes: It seems like some kind of stunt, and counter-productive, since the departed were prolific commenters. Lotta clicks there. And with a lot of followers.

@Bell County:
Not to worry. It turns out I wasn't. (gallows humor)

@PickleTitsTurner:Word.

*crying silently, staring wistfully at Unfun's avatar*

I like it when you offer explanations like that. It reminds me of my mother when she's been drinking her lunch, Mike Jahn taught us last week we shouldn't be leaving to eat lunch anyway. (I'm reminding you that I LIKE this approach. You don't need to explain, just fire up the old widow maker.)

@meerkat:
Yes, Hez and Unfun too. They didn't deserve to day either.

@intothelight:
Ketch doesn't scare me. He needs to answer for this.

@Mary Mouse: That is pretty funny :-)
Yay, cutie boobies!

It's just not fair. Hez once showed her boobies in exchange for comments. JA won't even give a guy a little "tug boat/steam boat" after a trip to the islands. Where are your values, Mr Ketch?

What the fuck?