Resolution No. 1: Sarah Jessica Parker Censured for Complaining About Problems 'SATC' Helped Create

WHEREAS, it's not really our style to judge anyone before noon, especially on a Monday, but that's when New York Magazine happened to publish its new cover story about Sarah Jessica Parker; and

WHEREAS, Ms. Parker is the star of the Sex and the City, an overpraised television series adapted as an overhyped feature-length film for theatrical distribution later this month; and

WHEREAS, Sex and the City romantically represents contemporary New York City as a sanitized, upper-middle class shrine to culture, taste, privilege and glamor; and

WHEREAS, the real New York City is a class war waiting to happen, as exemplified by Ms. Parker's recollection to the author:

I don't know if you do this with your husband," Parker says. "But say one of us is walking down the street, I'll call him and say, 'You know, the laundromat is closed!' And he'll say, 'What?' I'll be like, 'The laundromat at 11th and West 4th Street is closed!' " and

WHEREAS, Ms. Parker's West Village walking tour is punctuated with other, similar laments, including those for the good old days of public insolvency and that "the city is so affluent, and all the colors, all the shops, the look of a street from block to block is just terribly absent of distinguishing coffee shops, bodegas. All of that stuff that made it possible to live in New York is gone ... I guess there are places in Queens that are affordable," and

WHEREAS, Ms. Parker acknowledges her calculated brand development (e.g. perfume, clothing line) within a half-dozen breaths of complaining about the media attention that reinforces it: "It makes me feel ashamed of my work. And I'm not. But I'm attached to this culture now in a way that, it's kind of vulgar. And I feel cheapened. And I feel like I'm cheapening the school, like I'm bringing dirt, like I'm bad for the neighborhood," and

WHEREAS, Ms. Parker is a confirmed nice person who, along with her nice husband Matthew Broderick, nevertheless symbolizes an urban idyll both contradictory and destructive to her self-proclaimed values, and

WHEREAS, we abhor hypocrisy among the West Village power elite and, more generally, among A-listers promoting their mass-market summer confections in major national publications,

NOW, THEREFORE, LET IT BE RESOLVED BY DEFAMER,

1. That Ms. Parker be censured for her perpetuation of Sex and the City and other utopian myths helping eviscerate New York in both the local and popular consciousness, and

2. That Ms. Parker be further censured for being the latest New Yorker to want things both ways, and

3. That this censure go forth in the form of an official editorial admonition: "Kindly shut the fuck up."

RESOLUTION PASSED this 5th day of May, 2008.

SIGNED,

DEFAMER