There is nothing that can comfortably be done in a flip flop that would require an "ultra-sports shoe base." Nothing. NOTHING. Come on, you guys. Let's just . . . not.

Leave them alone! Rich lesbians need footwear, too.

Don't peoples' feet cover the Jimmy Choo and Manolo and Stuart Weitzman names also? I mean, i would LOVE it if the world knew I wear Payless but nobody can tell!

Express your individuality in...black flip-flops?...

I'll pay the extra pricetag for those rainbows brand flip flops, but only because they make my feet feel like they're being massaged by angels in heaven.

Plus, they're clever enough to put their logo/tag on the thong area dividing my big toe from, uhm, the pointer toe? Is that what we're calling that guy?

My $9,800 flip flops are made from the tiny hides of baby ladybugs of a type only found in the jungles of Brazil and which are endangered. Their little skins are ripped off and dipped in platinum. In order to keep the label visible, I keep them on my keyring. I also left the price tag on, which I've highlighted in yellow.

Here's a quick primer in luxuryshoes:

Luxury shoes, of any type, do not have rubber soles. You see, rubber soles are for people who need to walk somewhere.
- People that don't have a helicopter to take them to the Hamptons.
- People that have to walk to the corner to get a cab, because the driver isn't waiting outside the building.
- People that worry about a shoe lasting so they can wear them to, like, multiple events.

Can you imagine? Wearing a pair of shoes to both the polo match and the yacht race? Mortifying, right?

My flip flops have a bottle opener on the sole and cost 18 bucks. I am going to wear them tonight, although I can usually open Coronas with my teeth.

There is exactly one acceptable venue for wearing flip-flops in public: the beach.
That is it.

I sincerely hope that the thousands of assholes I see wearing flip-flops on the streets and subways of New York paid way too much for them--anything to offset my annoyance at having to look at their gross toenails and the layer of grime that's accumulated as a result of walking around the city thisclose to fully barefoot. I don't care if it's hot! This isn't Fire Island! Put on some damn shoes! (And get off my lawn, take a shower, get a job you damn hippies, etc.)

Wait...buying crocodile flip flops to save primates?

Crocodiles > Monkeys, I guess.

Are the first ones something to do with Barbara Kruger? If so, I might approve...

If they aren't Reefs, I'm not interested. And Cali girls know their flip-flops.

@flossy: You need to dump some of your attitude and take a vacation.

This just bolsters one of my favorite axioms: nothing is ever so stupid that it can't get worse.

@SneakingThroughTheAlleyWithLalley: We'll also accept 'index toe.'

Nothing says "quiet elegance" like a pair of flip flops. I'm going to quote this from now on when I show up to black tie events in Reefs.

Shhhhh! If word gets out that stupid people are paying ridiculous premiums on everyday items, those of us smart enough to sell it to them will be forced out of business!

@bigspike: To be fair to these expensive shoe makers - when it comes to heels, you are also paying for ridiculous, well-crafted comfort in many cases. I'm not a shoe person and I didn't buy the "They're (almost) worth it" shit for a long time but, saint's alive, a well-made shoe will treat the foot with more care and concern than some Aldo joints. So your toes will know.But flip flops? For serious?

Also: Louboutin's have recognizably red soles so everyone will know anyway.

@Mary Mouse: I was going to say Jenny Holzer . . . But not neon enough, no?

These have nothing on Exxon Petroleum Jellies

@flossy: Fire Island season begins this weekend for me! And it's going to rain. I really need a "fashion poncho".

@flossy:
Years ago I was dating a brooding european art professor; I got all nicely dressed for a date one night and wore a pair of flip flops. His comment? "You look like you just stepped out of the shower." (He didn't mean I was all fresh and sweet smelling ... tho I was ... of course he meant, What the hell are you wearing on your feet woman!!? ... lesson learned.)

@pureblarney: Huh? No one's ever spoke a truer word!

@scroll_lock: only $9800? you're so lower class

@ambitious: Well, it's Kruger's signature colour and font (although it is a fairly Holzeresque statement) - can Hamilton enlighten us?

A certain talent-free classmate of mine in grad school would wander our urban campus in barefeet and then prop her blackened feet up on our seminar table while the rest of us passively-aggressively critiqued her dreadful short stories. I don't know why I'm mentioning this except that when the subject of bare feet came up I had kind of a flashback.

@pureblarney: A $60 pair of Ocean Minded flip flops was the best investment I've ever made in footwear. Of course, I live at the beach - I wouldn't fuck with flip flops in Manhattan.

@EleanorRigby: @pureblarney: Reefs are overrated. I challenge your reefs to a duel with my rainbows.

@BalknChain: I liked the ones you had so I got some too! Yours were only $8,750 though. Cheapo.

@SneakingThroughTheAlleyWithLalley: No way...I invested in a pair of Rainbows two summers ago and wound up with nothing but blisters, fallen arches, and detailed imprints of my dirty city-walking feet on the tan leather.

Wearing crocs to save monkeys? That's like the time I shot a race horse to save an ostrich.

@scroll_lock: I know, but I drew a 1 in front of the 8. Who's stupid now? wait...

Let us light a candle to Saint Hubbins, the patron saint of quality footwear.

@SneakingThroughTheAlleyWithLalley: exactly. rainbows are the alpha and the omega of flip-flops.

@BalknChain: I just whited my price tag out and typed in $INFINITY SQUARED.
/checkmate

flip-flops should only be worn during a walk from the shower to the changing bench.

Flip-flops are the herpes of footwear.

I loooove my Timberland flip-flips and have worn them regularly the last 3 summers -- in Manhattan! So freakin comfy and good-looking. If in need a new pair, I'll gladly pay even more. Only thing more comfy? My Timberland mocs.

@VirusWithShoes: So, an art student from Philadelphia gave you flip flops?

@VirusWithShoes: Except they're not contagious and thank God, the condition is curable.

Everything about flip flops is odious: the way they feel, the way they look, the way they sound and most of all the name.

@lawyergay: "I know you're going for grit and soot here with this line but I don't think you're getting the point about the protagonists dirty, crusty feelings, across in a way that works. Also: get your cajun-style corn chip toes out of my face, please?"

@crotchety: "Thongs" is worse.

@nightwatchman_flamekeeper: Will do. Amazingly, those things go to thirteen.

@pureblarney:
Werd.

I like to call Summer, TEVA season.

I will only pay that much for a pair of flip flops if there's a TV in them. Also, beer.

@scroll_lock: nuh uh, biiiiitch!

How did Jimmy Buffett miss out on this?

I blew out my flip flop,

Cut my heel, had to cruise on back home.

@ambitious: Good point! Now perhaps you can enlighten me. Weren't "thongs" first footwear? And they named the undergarment after the footwear because they both have that thing that um, goes between the um, whatevers. . .

So anyway they had to come up with a different name for the footwear. Is that how it went?

I know they're not that expensive, but havaianas piss me off. I don't care if they're colorful and from brazil, they're just fucking flip-flops.

oh and of course nylon did their "factory girl" this month on havaianas, which always have a two-page ad in the magazine. why do I keep buying it? more importantly, why am I still typing?

...crocodile worked perfectly to add quiet elegance...
More like quiet desperation.

@ambitious: That's about right. But just as she was oblivious and impervious to the used hypodermics and condoms that littered the streets, so she was to our barbs.

@crotchety: I'm pretty sure thongs for the feet came before rump thongs but I'm not sure when the flipping and flopping came about. Maybe it's a regional thing as well? Like "tennis shoes" (are you really about to play tennis?) vs. "sneakers" (what are you sneaking around for?)?

Flip flops are so unbelievably gross. Can this horrible anti-fashion trend die a speedy and painful death so I don't have to endure the sight of them any longer?
CAN I GET AN AMEN????????????????

@creamy_goodness: no.

I live in my flops - 300 or so days a year. & all a yall feetphobics can it eat it, nerds.

@VirusWithShoes: In that you have to go to the clinic to get them frozen and cut off?

I knew designer flip flops had to come. What's next? Tattooed bare feet?