Have you been to TomCruise.com yet? You haven't?? You mean you don't want to celebrate the 27 years of filmmaking genius that is the be-nosed and be-eyebrowed Scientologist? Fair enough. Let me summarize for you: It's all about Tom Cruise. Strange music (from his films) assails your ears! His stern visage (in several photos accessible in the Gallery) reminds you that he has eyebrows and a nose! A biography, evidently written by Suri, details his career and mentions nothing of his batty personal life or bizarre cult entanglements. The best part of the site is is the Filmography section, where you can watch trailers for all of his films. (OK, maybe it's only cool to sad people like me who like old movie trailers, but it's respectably thorough and well thought out.) Oh and the introductory video! It starts with Aaron Copland music and ends with a literal salute to the fake (they're just movies!) military man. All told, the website sadly makes the possibly crazy person look a bit, well, crazy.

2:53 PM on Mon May 5 2008
By Richard
1,690 views
22 comments

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Bell County at 02:58 PM on 05/05/08
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"Ask me about my Miscavige."
tunamelt at 03:04 PM on 05/05/08
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I remember fifth grade when my good friend had a magazine cut-out of Tom Cruise in her binder and talked about how cute he was.

He was never my type. I had incredible foresight.
Spirit Fingers at 03:07 PM on 05/05/08
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Really want to know what the Stress Test, Dianetics, and other such Scientology babble has to do with my commute from Union Square? If you stop at their card table are you ushered into a ghost train that takes you to a Xenu pod?

If they start offering Kool-Aid I'm calling the National Guard.
fiveinchtaint at 03:11 PM on 05/05/08
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I wish we could reboot his career and public persona from about the time of A Few Good Men. I'd keep Collateral though.
Helman at 03:14 PM on 05/05/08
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I really, really, really hate him. And I think he is stark, raving mad.

(Nice "he hasn't been in that many movies!" tag, Richard)
meerkat at 03:25 PM on 05/05/08
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@fiveinchtaint:
He was EXCELLENT in Collateral - whereas to me, he's been about a B in everything else he's done.
Colonel Mustard at 03:27 PM on 05/05/08
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If I agree to salute him, will he agree to mix me a cocktail and have sex with Shelley Long?
themotionintheocean at 03:29 PM on 05/05/08
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I think you put the url in wrong. It's www.tomcruise.com not [tomcruise.com.] But it doesn't have any good ass shots, like that shower scene from TAPS---so who cares. Oh my adolescence...
Bell County at 03:29 PM on 05/05/08
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@meerkat: I thought he really inhabited the role in Magnolia.
ArtfulSlinger at 03:36 PM on 05/05/08
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@tunamelt: My mom told me about this one time at some like family function when I was 10 or 11 and my aunt asked me like who i have crush on or some other lame question and it somehow rolled around to celebs and she said "Oh you probably love Tom Cruise" and my response was "No. I don't like gay guys!" My aunt thought it was hysterical and so did the rest of my family. Not sure if they were just homophobes or they all were in on the joke.
meerkat at 03:40 PM on 05/05/08
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@Bell County:
Never saw that... is it another psycho role, like Vincent?
Bell County at 03:50 PM on 05/05/08
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@meerkat: He plays a bitter, egotistical, woman-hating motivational speaker who talks about cock too much.
Senor_Wences at 03:56 PM on 05/05/08
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It's no melaniegriffith.com, that's for sure.
bytememehard at 04:00 PM on 05/05/08
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@Bell County: Personally, I do not believe it possible to talk about cock too much. cock cock cock cock cock. Nor type it too much.
Bell County at 04:04 PM on 05/05/08
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@bytememehard: Yes but Tom Cruise is only into girls! And Cher!
bytememehard at 04:17 PM on 05/05/08
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@Bell County: So? Me too!
Tammany_Fall at 04:18 PM on 05/05/08
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Personally, I think he peaked in , in which he had few lines and a chipped tooth.
Unfun at 04:18 PM on 05/05/08
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"That was a moment." "You go, ok, I get it." "You have that whole other thing...the internet, things getting reedited...it just took on a whole other thing." I'm just curious, does he ever actually say anything that makes any sense to other sentient beings?
meerkat at 04:44 PM on 05/05/08
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@Bell County:
In other words, it's like what probably happens if you wake him up in the middle of the night.
geerays at 07:54 PM on 05/05/08
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on his site i wish he would tell us how to buy real estate with NO MONEY DOWN!!! he got the industrial film-style music right.
GregSamsa at 08:04 PM on 05/05/08
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The trailer for Taps might just be the most annoying single piece of film I've ever witnessed.
SeaBassTian at 11:48 PM on 05/05/08
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I couldn't be bothered visiting his site. Plus, I hate him too much to increase his traffic... But I just have to know whether there are any clips of his Legend phase!