Gawker
What do you do when you need to find some good stars for your upcoming porn film, but are too cheap to put a free ad on Craigslist? Hang a flier on a pole in Bushwick, of course. And to maximize responses, just leave space at the bottom for everyone interested in starring in your low-budget fuckfest to write in their name, "Length, Girth," and email or Myspace address. Don't worry, your friends will respect you in the morning. It's a perfect opportunity for you indie rock kids in "Bushdick" to earn some extra cash between jobs. Click through for a bigger picture, and to read the enticing pitch:
Do you have what it takes to be an adult star??? Niki Wilder production studio, has moved to bushwick. We are now casting for the film *Niki gets lost in Bushdick* A gang bang scene in the climax of the film, when Niki is lost in Busdick "and stumbles upon a band playing with instruments, wanting them used on her by the band, and audience. If you can perform in front of camera, and people, and have a large penis, than we are looking for you!!! Sign up, and send us video to show us what you can do.
Comments
I guess this means that Niki's already been cast (sigh).
My penis never auditions.
But you might need penicillin to clear up your Greenpoint.
They should have attached a tape measure. Or do all guys know those numbers off the top of their heads?
as long as Niki is ok with bed-bugs this should be fantastic... well, that and 15 seconds of "hide-the-sausage" and then 35 minutes of crying.
Somehow I picture the set containing a well and a bucket on some string.
Shoot, on a good weekend, I just call all that "Friday Night Out."
@Tammany_Fall: Off the top of the head, since you're asking.
Usually measured starting about an inch off the top of the head too.
@Sarcastro: It needs a hole in the paper as a gauge ala beer bottle hangtags, right?
This will end up being a stealth condo ad
If you're a girl do you put your length in negative inches (or centimeters)?
Also- quick tip: Hipsters have gauzy ass curtains if any curtains at all. Get a telescopic lens and just catch what you see, son. I've certainly seen and shown lots. America needs to cut back in these lean times.
Damnit why are there no men! I was counting on that for a date this weekend.
@VirusWithShoes: "It puts the trendy lotion in the basket, or it gets the bottled water again!"
This is just like the time I taped "Do me" to my fridge.
My roommates didn't talk to me for awhile after that...
I would just paste the string I used to measure myself under 'Length, Girth' that way they'll know I mean business.
Does the bolded title on the sign look like "Midgets Lost in Bushdick" to anyone else?
@VirusWithShoes: @MyCubeHas3Sides: That's good stuff.
@VirusWithShoes: and lotion and androgenous sheeple?
@BullfightsOnAcid:
HAHA!!
@Tammany_Fall: YES.
@4Cats: Or it's another secret anti-counterfeiting campaign sponsored by COACH.
You should see what's going on in Flatbush
This is very funny!
@Tammany_Fall: A tape measure and a fluffer. You gotta be on your game when you're asked to post your measurements right there on the street like that.
Apparently Steve Guttenberg is 10" and looking for work.
@bytememehard: Nice!
@DorothyMantooth: Well that means we need auditions for The Bushwick Fluffer!
So, is Burning Angel going to have a rumble and will/can Fleshbot be there to document it?
@ambitious: Or the next clue from that "global youth culture" game shadily run by McDonald's.[www.nytimes.com]
Classy.
Now, can anyone tell me the *exact* location of the flyer?
Are Niki Wilder's measurements listed as 36-24-34000? Sounds like specialty porn.
Just don't get anywhere near me with that Red Hook.
So this is what Jack Donaghy was referring to when he answered "5 inches, but it's thick"?
@bytememehard: Or what they're doing with farm animals in Bed-Sty.
Can they find a bed free of bedbugs in which to film this?
@fiveinchtaint: That ain't no "short" circuit!
(Ha! Hahaha... ha?)
@DorothyMantooth: Cockoon. (sigh)
"Midgets Lost in Bushdick" is a shameless ripoff of "Munchkins Lost in Bushdick." They should be ashamed. Probably didn't use union labor, either.
@hamburgerhotdog:No, but I can see why this production company would want to move to Bushwick. I mean, the sidewalks there are just littered with mattresses. It's so damn convenient!
The *plotline* is she stumbles across band members and starts blowing someone's skin flute, is this correct?
I swear it says: "If you can perform in front of Barbara, and Ralph, ..."
@Bell County: Ha!! That sure doesn't look like a "little lady"!
(Can it get any worse?!)
Apprentice to Terra Patrick and Jenna, Deep Throat Extraordinair....??
Also, at least they recycled unused desk calendars. But does that also mean (assuming more than one page was produced) someone -- Niki herself?? -- wrote all these copies?
Better use a condom when you Gowanus, or you might end up in Gravesend.
@Gayyker:
Yeah, don't be a DUMBO
"No one beats (off on) the Van Wyck!"
I would have thought that Balk's cock would be first on the list.
I especially like how it's clearly written on the back of an old desk calendar. Is it safe to assume that they're trying to save money so that they can have high production values?
All of this is what she said.
don't forget ho-ho-kus; i don't get it either, i just like the name of that town.
@Tammany_Fall: yes, they do.
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